{"id":1978,"date":"2026-09-11T00:21:41","date_gmt":"2026-09-10T20:21:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/?p=1978"},"modified":"2026-09-11T10:58:18","modified_gmt":"2026-09-11T06:58:18","slug":"ana-t%c9%99rbiy%c9%99si-g%c9%99l%c9%99c%c9%99k-nikaha-nec%c9%99-t%c9%99sir-edir-qiz-v%c9%99-oglan-boyud%c9%99rk%c9%99n-edil%c9%99n-s%c9%99hvl%c9%99r","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/?p=1978","title":{"rendered":"ANA T\u018fRB\u0130Y\u018fS\u0130 G\u018fL\u018fC\u018fK N\u0130KAHA NEC\u018f T\u018fS\u0130R ED\u0130R? — QIZ V\u018f O\u011eLAN B\u00d6Y\u00dcD\u018fRK\u018fN ED\u0130L\u018fN S\u018fHVL\u018fR"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Ail\u0259 quruldu\u011fu g\u00fcn nikah masas\u0131 arxas\u0131nda iki n\u0259f\u0259r \u0259yl\u0259\u015fs\u0259 d\u0259, onlar\u0131n h\u0259r biri yeni h\u0259yata u\u015faql\u0131qdan ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 t\u0259rbiy\u0259ni, ail\u0259d\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fc qad\u0131n v\u0259 ki\u015fi modelini, m\u0259suliyy\u0259t v\u0259 m\u00fcnasib\u0259t anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 da \u00f6z\u00fc il\u0259 g\u0259tirir. Q\u0131z v\u0259 o\u011flan u\u015faqlar\u0131n\u0131n t\u0259rbiy\u0259sind\u0259 yol veril\u0259n, b\u0259z\u0259n is\u0259 valideynl\u0259rin sevgi v\u0259 qay\u011f\u0131 hesab etdiyi s\u0259hvl\u0259r ill\u0259r sonra onlar\u0131n h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131 se\u00e7imin\u0259, ail\u0259daxili m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259rin\u0259 v\u0259 nikahda \u00fcz\u0259rin\u0259 g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fckl\u0259ri rollara t\u0259sir g\u00f6st\u0259r\u0259 bil\u0259r. B\u0259s ana t\u0259rbiy\u0259si g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k ail\u0259 h\u0259yat\u0131nda hans\u0131 izl\u0259ri burax\u0131r v\u0259 q\u0131zla o\u011flan b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u0259rk\u0259n valideynl\u0259r \u0259n \u00e7ox harada yan\u0131l\u0131rlar? \u201cPedaqoq.az\u201d<\/strong> jurnal\u0131<\/strong> \u201cAna t\u0259rbiy\u0259si g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k nikaha nec\u0259 t\u0259sir edir? Q\u0131z v\u0259 o\u011flan b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u0259rk\u0259n edil\u0259n s\u0259hvl\u0259r\u201d m\u00f6vzusunda 7 ild\u0259n \u00e7ox u\u015faq v\u0259 yeniyetm\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 i\u015f t\u0259cr\u00fcb\u0259sin\u0259 malik psixoloq Aysu \u018fliyevaya m\u00fcraci\u0259t etdik.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Aysu xan\u0131m, \u0259vv\u0259lc\u0259 sizi salamlay\u0131r\u0131q. G\u0259lin m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259nin lap k\u00f6k\u00fcnd\u0259n ba\u015flayaq. Biz \u00f6vlad b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u0259rk\u0259n, \u0259slind\u0259, yaln\u0131z u\u015faq b\u00f6y\u00fctm\u00fcr\u00fck. G\u0259l\u0259c\u0259yin \u0259rini, h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131n\u0131, g\u0259linini, k\u00fcr\u0259k\u0259nini, ata v\u0259 anas\u0131n\u0131 da yeti\u015fdiririk. Amma ail\u0259 da\u011f\u0131landa s\u0259b\u0259bl\u0259ri ad\u0259t\u0259n nikah\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 axtar\u0131r\u0131q: xasiyy\u0259tl\u0259ri tutmad\u0131, qay\u0131nana qar\u0131\u015fd\u0131, ki\u015fi m\u0259suliyy\u0259tsiz oldu, qad\u0131n d\u00f6zm\u0259di… B\u0259lk\u0259 b\u0259zi bo\u015fanmalar\u0131n g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259y\u0259n ba\u015flan\u011f\u0131c\u0131 toy g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259n 20\u201325 il \u0259vv\u0259l\u0259 — h\u0259min insanlar\u0131n ald\u0131qlar\u0131 ail\u0259 t\u0259rbiy\u0259sin\u0259 gedib \u00e7\u0131x\u0131r?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Siz\u0259 d\u0259 salam olsun. B\u0259li, b\u0259zi bo\u015fanmalar\u0131n g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259y\u0259n ba\u015flan\u011f\u0131c\u0131 h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n d\u0259 nikahdan ill\u0259r \u0259vv\u0259l\u0259 gedib \u00e7\u0131xa bil\u0259r. U\u015faq ail\u0259d\u0259 sevgini, konfliktin nec\u0259 h\u0259ll edildiyini, s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259ri, m\u0259suliyy\u0259ti v\u0259 qad\u0131n-ki\u015fi m\u00fcnasib\u0259tini m\u00fc\u015fahid\u0259 ed\u0259r\u0259k \u00f6yr\u0259nir. Sonradan qurdu\u011fu ail\u0259d\u0259 is\u0259 \u00e7ox vaxt \u015f\u00fcurlu \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 se\u00e7m\u0259diyi bu modell\u0259ri t\u0259krarlay\u0131r.<\/strong>
Bu, o dem\u0259k deyil ki, insan\u0131n taleyi u\u015faql\u0131qda m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259nl\u0259\u015fir. Sad\u0259c\u0259, ail\u0259 t\u0259rbiy\u0259si g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259r \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn ilkin psixoloji «proqram\u0131» formala\u015fd\u0131r\u0131r. Yetkinlikd\u0259 insan h\u0259min proqram\u0131 f\u0259rq edib d\u0259yi\u015f\u0259 bil\u0259r.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— G\u0259lin bir ev t\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcr ed\u0259k: biri q\u0131z, biri o\u011flan, ikisini d\u0259 eyni ana b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fcr. Q\u0131za deyilir: \u201cQarda\u015f\u0131n\u0131n yem\u0259yini \u00e7\u0259k\u201d, \u201c\u00e7ay g\u0259tir\u201d, \u201csabah g\u0259lin ged\u0259c\u0259ks\u0259n, bunlar\u0131 bilm\u0259lis\u0259n\u201d. O\u011flana is\u0259 b\u0259z\u0259n he\u00e7 \u00f6z bo\u015fqab\u0131n\u0131 m\u0259tb\u0259x\u0259 aparmaq \u00f6yr\u0259dilmir. Sonra bu iki u\u015faq b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u00fcr. Q\u0131z ba\u015fqa ev\u0259 g\u0259lin gedir, o\u011flan da evl\u0259nir. Ana q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n \u0259rind\u0259n onunla i\u015f b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015fm\u0259yi g\u00f6zl\u0259yir, amma \u00f6z o\u011flunun h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131ndan o\u011fluna qulluq etm\u0259sini… Biz bir evin i\u00e7ind\u0259 bir-birin\u0259 tamamil\u0259 zidd iki ail\u0259 modeli yeti\u015fdirmirikmi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— B\u0259li, \u0259slind\u0259 biz eyni evd\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u0259n iki u\u015fa\u011fa tamamil\u0259 f\u0259rqli ail\u0259 modeli \u00f6yr\u0259dirik. Q\u0131za u\u015faql\u0131qdan \u201cqarda\u015f\u0131na yem\u0259k \u00e7\u0259k\u201d, \u201c\u00e7ay g\u0259tir\u201d, \u201cev i\u015fl\u0259rini \u00f6yr\u0259n, sabah g\u0259lin ged\u0259c\u0259ks\u0259n\u201d deyirik. O\u011flana is\u0259 b\u0259z\u0259n \u00f6z bo\u015fqab\u0131n\u0131 bel\u0259 y\u0131\u011fma\u011f\u0131 \u00f6yr\u0259tmirik. Sonra h\u0259min u\u015faqlar b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u00fcr. Q\u0131z evl\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259 \u0259rind\u0259n onunla ev i\u015fl\u0259rini b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015fm\u0259sini g\u00f6zl\u0259yirik. O\u011flan evl\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259 is\u0259 h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131n\u0131n ona qulluq etm\u0259sini normal q\u0259bul edirik. Bel\u0259likl\u0259, f\u0259rqin\u0259 varmadan bir u\u015fa\u011fa \u201cail\u0259d\u0259 t\u0259r\u0259fda\u015f ol\u201d, dig\u0259rin\u0259 is\u0259 \u201cs\u0259n\u0259 xidm\u0259t edilsin\u201d mesaj\u0131 veririk. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 \u0259slind\u0259 q\u0131z\u0131n v\u0259 ya o\u011flan\u0131n n\u0259 etm\u0259li olmas\u0131 deyil. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 odur ki, ev i\u015fi v\u0259 qay\u011f\u0131 cinsin yox, m\u0259suliyy\u0259tin m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259sidir.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— <\/strong>Aysu xan\u0131m, b\u0259s \u201cg\u00f6zl\u0259nti\u201d m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259si il\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 n\u0259 dey\u0259 bil\u0259rsiniz? Bilirik ki, g\u00f6zl\u0259ntil\u0259r sosial m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259rd\u0259 \u00e7ox m\u00fch\u00fcm rol oynay\u0131r. \u0130nsan qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndak\u0131 \u015f\u0259xsi b\u0259z\u0259n f\u0259rqin\u0259 varmadan emosional v\u0259 sosial \u00f6hd\u0259likl\u0259rl\u0259 \u201cy\u00fckl\u0259yir\u201d: s\u0259n bel\u0259 olmal\u0131san, bunu etm\u0259lis\u0259n, m\u0259n\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 bel\u0259 davranmal\u0131san…<\/em> Maraql\u0131d\u0131r ki, b\u0259zi analar\u0131n \u00f6z q\u0131z\u0131ndan g\u00f6zl\u0259ntil\u0259ri il\u0259 g\u0259linind\u0259n g\u00f6zl\u0259ntil\u0259ri aras\u0131nda b\u00f6y\u00fck u\u00e7urum yaran\u0131r. Q\u0131z\u0131ndan \u0259sas g\u00f6zl\u0259ntisi \u201cxo\u015fb\u0259xt ol\u201d oldu\u011fu halda, g\u0259linind\u0259n \u201cail\u0259y\u0259 uy\u011funla\u015f, s\u0259bir et, evi idar\u0259 et, o\u011fluma yax\u015f\u0131 bax\u201d g\u00f6zl\u0259nilir. Bel\u0259 ana g\u0259lini ayr\u0131ca \u015f\u0259xsiyy\u0259t kimi q\u0259bul edir, yoxsa \u015f\u00fcurunda \u0259vv\u0259lc\u0259d\u0259n yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u201cg\u0259lin rolu\u201dnun icra\u00e7\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 axtar\u0131r?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Burada \u0259sas m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259ntinin \u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259n \u00e7ox, g\u00f6zl\u0259ntinin kim\u0259 v\u0259 hans\u0131 rola g\u00f6r\u0259 formala\u015fmas\u0131d\u0131r. B\u0259zi analar \u00f6z q\u0131z\u0131na \u201cxo\u015fb\u0259xt ol\u201d dey\u0259rk\u0259n, g\u0259linin\u0259 \u201cail\u0259y\u0259 uy\u011funla\u015f, s\u0259br et, ev\u0259 v\u0259 o\u011fluma yax\u015f\u0131 bax\u201d mesaj\u0131 verir. Bu zaman g\u0259lin art\u0131q ayr\u0131ca bir \u015f\u0259xsiyy\u0259t kimi deyil, m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259n bir \u201cg\u0259lin rolu\u201d il\u0259 qiym\u0259tl\u0259ndiril\u0259 bil\u0259r. Psixoloji bax\u0131mdan bu, m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259 ciddi t\u0259zyiq yarad\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnki insandan onun kim oldu\u011funa g\u00f6r\u0259 yox, ona \u0259vv\u0259lc\u0259d\u0259n verilmi\u015f rola uy\u011fun davranmas\u0131 g\u00f6zl\u0259nilir. Sa\u011flam m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259 is\u0259 g\u0259lin d\u0259, q\u0131z da ilk n\u00f6vb\u0259d\u0259 \u00f6z se\u00e7iml\u0259ri, s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259ri, ehtiyaclar\u0131 v\u0259 \u015f\u0259xsiyy\u0259ti olan bir f\u0259rddir. He\u00e7 kim ba\u015fqas\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6zl\u0259ntil\u0259rini yerin\u0259 yetirm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn ail\u0259y\u0259 daxil olmur.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— <\/strong>Bir az da s\u0259rt misal \u00e7\u0259kim. Ana q\u0131z\u0131na deyir: \u201cQoy yats\u0131n, yaman yorulub\u201d, y\u00fcng\u00fcl \u015feyl\u0259r qald\u0131randa da, onu a\u011f\u0131r hesab edib \u201cA\u011f\u0131r \u015feyi qald\u0131rma, s\u0259n q\u0131zsan\u201d, \u201cBu q\u0259d\u0259r i\u015f g\u00f6rm\u0259, \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc \u00fczm\u0259\u201d. Amma g\u0259lin s\u0259h\u0259r bir az gec qalxanda h\u0259min m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259tli qad\u0131n\u0131n leksikonu bird\u0259n d\u0259yi\u015fir: \u201cG\u0259lin g\u00fcnortaya q\u0259d\u0259r yatmaz\u201d, \u201cEvin i\u015fi var\u201d, \u201cBizim vaxt\u0131m\u0131zda bel\u0259 deyildi…\u201d (g\u00fcl\u00fcr) Aysu xan\u0131m, qad\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259ki bu iki f\u0259rqli \u201cana\u201d haradan yaran\u0131r? \u00d6z q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n yor\u011funlu\u011funu g\u00f6r\u0259n g\u00f6z g\u0259linin yor\u011funlu\u011funu niy\u0259 g\u00f6rm\u00fcr?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Hesab edir\u0259m ki, burada qad\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 iki \u201cana\u201d yaranm\u0131r. \u018fslind\u0259, bir ana var, amma iki f\u0259rqli m\u00fcnasib\u0259t modeli var. \u00d6z q\u0131z\u0131na baxanda onun qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndak\u0131 insan\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcr: \u201cYorulub, incim\u0259sin, \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc \u00fczm\u0259sin.\u201d Amma g\u0259linin\u0259 baxanda b\u0259z\u0259n insan\u0131 yox, \u201cg\u0259lin\u201d rolunu g\u00f6r\u00fcr. Y\u0259ni onun f\u0259rdi ehtiyaclar\u0131, yor\u011funlu\u011fu, s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259ri ikinci plana ke\u00e7ir v\u0259 \u201cevin i\u015fi\u201d, \u201cg\u0259linin m\u0259suliyy\u0259ti\u201d, \u201cbizim vaxt\u0131m\u0131zda bel\u0259 idi\u201d kimi q\u0259libl\u0259r \u00f6n\u0259 \u00e7\u0131x\u0131r.<\/strong>..<\/p>\n\n\n\n


— …v\u0259 burada \u00e7ox maraql\u0131 bir psixoloji mexanizm var: insan \u00f6z \u00e7\u0259kdiyi \u0259ziyy\u0259ti b\u0259z\u0259n \u0259dal\u0259t kimi t\u0259qdim edir. \u201cM\u0259n d\u0259 g\u0259lin olanda s\u0259h\u0259r tezd\u0259n qalxm\u0131\u015fam, m\u0259n d\u0259 i\u015f g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f\u0259m, m\u0259n d\u0259 yorulmu\u015fam\u201d dey\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr. Halbuki sa\u011flam d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259 bunun \u0259ksini t\u0259l\u0259b edir: \u201cM\u0259n \u0259ziyy\u0259t \u00e7\u0259kmi\u015f\u0259ms\u0259, dem\u0259li, m\u0259nd\u0259n sonrak\u0131 qad\u0131n da \u00e7\u0259km\u0259lidir\u201d yox, \u201cm\u0259n \u0259ziyy\u0259t \u00e7\u0259kmi\u015f\u0259ms\u0259, qoy o \u00e7\u0259km\u0259sin\u201d. \u018fn a\u011fr\u0131l\u0131 t\u0259r\u0259fi d\u0259 budur ki, qad\u0131n \u00f6z q\u0131z\u0131na r\u0259va bilm\u0259diyi m\u00fcnasib\u0259ti ba\u015fqa bir qad\u0131na r\u0259va g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259, \u0259slind\u0259 patriarxal sistemi \u00f6z\u00fc d\u0259 bilm\u0259d\u0259n davam etdirir.
Bir t\u0259r\u0259fd\u0259n q\u0131z\u0131na deyir: \u201cS\u0259n q\u0131zsan, a\u011f\u0131r \u015fey qald\u0131rma.\u201d Dig\u0259r t\u0259r\u0259fd\u0259n g\u0259linin\u0259 deyir: \u201cS\u0259n g\u0259lin\u00ads\u0259n, evin i\u015fi var.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Burada problem g\u0259linin gec qalxmas\u0131 deyil. Problem ondad\u0131r ki, eyni yor\u011funlu\u011fa bir ana t\u0259r\u0259finf\u0259n iki f\u0259rqli bax\u0131\u015f buca\u011f\u0131 il\u0259 bax\u0131l\u0131r. M\u0259n h\u0259tta bunu bir az daha s\u0259rt dey\u0259rdim: b\u0259z\u0259n qad\u0131n g\u0259linind\u0259n t\u0259l\u0259b etdiyi f\u0259dakarl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00f6z q\u0131z\u0131ndan t\u0259l\u0259b etm\u0259y\u0259 c\u0259sar\u0259t etmir. \u00c7\u00fcnki q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259 pis ana olmaqdan qorxur. G\u0259linin g\u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259 is\u0259 pis qay\u0131nana olmaqdan o q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259 qorxmur.
Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 sad\u0259c\u0259 \u201cqay\u0131nana-g\u0259lin problemi\u201d deyil. Bu, qad\u0131n\u0131n dig\u0259r qad\u0131na nec\u0259 baxmas\u0131, g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fc nec\u0259 b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcrm\u0259si v\u0259 \u00f6z ke\u00e7mi\u015f a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 n\u00f6vb\u0259ti n\u0259sl\u0259 \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb-\u00f6t\u00fcrm\u0259m\u0259si problemidir.<\/strong>
V\u0259 m\u0259nc\u0259, h\u0259r bir qad\u0131n \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 bir d\u0259f\u0259 bu sual\u0131 verm\u0259lidir: \u201cM\u0259n q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131 qorudu\u011fum q\u0259d\u0259r ba\u015fqa bir qad\u0131n\u0131 da qoruma\u011f\u0131 bacar\u0131ramm\u0131?\u201d
\u00c7\u00fcnki \u0259sl m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259t yaln\u0131z \u00f6z \u00f6vlad\u0131na g\u00f6st\u0259ril\u0259nd\u0259 m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259t deyil. \u018fsl xarakter insan\u0131n s\u0259n\u0259 he\u00e7 bir qohumlu\u011fu olmayan qad\u0131na nec\u0259 davrand\u0131\u011f\u0131nda g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— <\/strong>Ba\u015fqa bir s\u0259hn\u0259 y\u0259qin ki, \u00e7oxlar\u0131na tan\u0131\u015f g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k. Q\u0131z\u0131 yem\u0259k bi\u015firm\u0259yi yax\u015f\u0131 bacarm\u0131r. Qay\u0131nanas\u0131 q\u0131za \u201cAnan s\u0259n\u0259 he\u00e7 n\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259yib?\u201d des\u0259, ana haql\u0131 olaraq inciy\u0259c\u0259k: \u201cM\u0259nim q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131 a\u015fpaz kimi almam\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z!\u201d<\/em> Amma h\u0259min qad\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6z g\u0259lini dolman\u0131, plovu v\u0259 ya adi bir yem\u0259yi yax\u015f\u0131 haz\u0131rlaya bilm\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259 ilk sual\u0131 b\u0259z\u0259n bu olur: \u201cAnas\u0131 buna n\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259dib?\u201d<\/em> H\u0259tta telefon a\u00e7\u0131b g\u0259linin anas\u0131na irad bildir\u0259nl\u0259r d\u0259 var. \u0130ndi m\u0259n psixoloqdan soru\u015fum: insan \u00f6z q\u0131z\u0131na y\u00f6n\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259 t\u0259hqir hesab etdiyi davran\u0131\u015f\u0131 g\u0259linin\u0259 y\u00f6n\u0259ld\u0259nd\u0259 nec\u0259 \u201ct\u0259rbiy\u0259 verm\u0259k\u201d kimi q\u0259bul ed\u0259 bilir? Bu ikili standart insan\u0131n \u015f\u00fcurunda nec\u0259 legitiml\u0259\u015fir?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Burada art\u0131q s\u00f6hb\u0259t sad\u0259c\u0259 ikili standartdan getmir. Burada insan\u0131n \u00f6z davran\u0131\u015f\u0131na verdiyi adla ba\u015fqas\u0131n\u0131n eyni davran\u0131\u015f\u0131na verdiyi ad aras\u0131ndak\u0131 f\u0259rqd\u0259n gedir.\u00d6z q\u0131z\u0131na deyil\u0259nd\u0259 «Anan s\u0259n\u0259 he\u00e7 n\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259yib?» c\u00fcml\u0259sini ana t\u0259hqir kimi q\u0259bul edir. \u00c7\u00fcnki h\u0259min c\u00fcml\u0259 onun anal\u0131q kimliyin\u0259 toxunur. \u015e\u00fcuralt\u0131nda bunu bel\u0259 e\u015fidir: «S\u0259n yax\u015f\u0131 ana olmam\u0131san, q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 t\u0259rbiy\u0259 etm\u0259mis\u0259n<\/strong>«.
Amma eyni c\u00fcml\u0259ni g\u0259linin anas\u0131na y\u00f6n\u0259ld\u0259nd\u0259 art\u0131q \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc t\u0259hqir ed\u0259n t\u0259r\u0259f kimi yox, \u201cd\u00fczg\u00fcnl\u00fck t\u0259l\u0259b ed\u0259n\u201d, \u201cg\u0259lin\u0259 t\u0259rbiy\u0259 ver\u0259n\u201d, h\u0259tta \u201cail\u0259nin s\u0259viyy\u0259sini qoruyan\u201d t\u0259r\u0259f kimi g\u00f6r\u00fcr.<\/strong>
 \u0130nsan \u00f6z davran\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 niyy\u0259tin\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 qiym\u0259tl\u0259ndirir: \u201cM\u0259n pislik etmir\u0259m, \u00f6yr\u0259dir\u0259m.\u201d Amma qar\u015f\u0131 t\u0259r\u0259fin davran\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 n\u0259tic\u0259sin\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 qiym\u0259tl\u0259ndirir: \u201cO bel\u0259 etdi, dem\u0259li, t\u0259rbiy\u0259sizdir.\u201d
M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, q\u0131z yem\u0259k bi\u015firm\u0259yi bacarmayanda deyirik: \u201c\u00d6yr\u0259n\u0259r, vaxt\u0131 var.\u201d G\u0259lin bacarmayanda is\u0259: \u201cAnas\u0131 niy\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259yib?\u201d \u00c7\u00fcnki birinci halda qar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdak\u0131 insan \u00f6vlad\u0131m\u0131zd\u0131r, ikinci halda is\u0259 bizd\u0259n g\u00f6zl\u0259ntil\u0259ri olan \u201cg\u0259lin\u201ddir.
\u018fslind\u0259 is\u0259 burada \u00e7ox ciddi bir yanl\u0131\u015f t\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcr var: evlilik qad\u0131n\u0131 xidm\u0259t g\u00f6st\u0259r\u0259n, h\u0259r \u015feyi bil\u0259n v\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyi bacaran haz\u0131r bir paket\u0259 \u00e7evirmir.<\/strong>
G\u0259linin plov bi\u015firm\u0259yi bilm\u0259m\u0259si onun anas\u0131n\u0131n pis ana oldu\u011funu g\u00f6st\u0259rmir. Eyni \u015f\u0259kild\u0259, bir ki\u015finin \u00fct\u00fc, yem\u0259k v\u0259 ya ev i\u015fi bilm\u0259m\u0259si d\u0259 atas\u0131n\u0131n ona \u201che\u00e7 n\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259diyini\u201d g\u00f6st\u0259rmir. M\u0259nc\u0259, \u201cAnas\u0131 s\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259dib?\u201d c\u00fcml\u0259si \u00e7ox t\u0259hl\u00fck\u0259li c\u00fcml\u0259dir. \u00c7\u00fcnki s\u00f6hb\u0259ti konkret bacar\u0131qdan \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131b anan\u0131n \u015f\u0259xsiyy\u0259tin\u0259 v\u0259 t\u0259rbiy\u0259sin\u0259 h\u00fccuma \u00e7evirir.<\/strong>
\u018fg\u0259r m\u0259qs\u0259d h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259kdirs\u0259, \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259k m\u00fcmk\u00fcnd\u00fcr. \u201cG\u0259l, bunu bel\u0259 ed\u0259k, m\u0259n s\u0259n\u0259 g\u00f6st\u0259rim\u201d dem\u0259k t\u0259rbiy\u0259dir. Amma \u201cAnan s\u0259n\u0259 he\u00e7 n\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259yib?\u201d dem\u0259k art\u0131q t\u0259rbiy\u0259 deyil, utand\u0131rmaqd\u0131r.V\u0259 \u0259n maraql\u0131s\u0131 budur: insan bunu \u00e7ox vaxt pis niyy\u0259tl\u0259 etdiyini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fcr. \u00c7\u00fcnki \u015f\u00fcurunda \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 bel\u0259 bir haqq verib: \u201cM\u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u0259m, m\u0259n bilir\u0259m, m\u0259n d\u00fcz\u0259ldir\u0259m.\u201d<\/strong>
Amma ya\u015f v\u0259 ail\u0259d\u0259ki status he\u00e7 kim\u0259 ba\u015fqa bir qad\u0131n\u0131 al\u00e7altmaq h\u00fcququ vermir. M\u0259n bunu bir c\u00fcml\u0259 il\u0259 bel\u0259 ifad\u0259 ed\u0259rdim:<\/strong>
Q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131za \u201c\u00f6yr\u0259n\u0259r\u201d dediyimiz yerd\u0259 g\u0259lin\u0259 \u201canan \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259yib\u201d deyiriks\u0259, problem g\u0259linin bacar\u0131\u011f\u0131nda deyil — bizim bax\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdad\u0131r.<\/em><\/strong>
\u00c7\u00fcnki t\u0259rbiy\u0259 verm\u0259kl\u0259 al\u00e7altmaq aras\u0131ndak\u0131 s\u0259rh\u0259d \u00e7ox sad\u0259dir: qar\u015f\u0131 t\u0259r\u0259fin l\u0259yaq\u0259tini qoruyaraq \u00f6yr\u0259dirs\u0259ns\u0259, t\u0259rbiy\u0259dir; onu utand\u0131raraq \u00fcst\u00fcnl\u00fck qazan\u0131rsansa, bu art\u0131q t\u0259rbiy\u0259 deyil, psixoloji t\u0259zyiqdir.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Yax\u015f\u0131, \u0259g\u0259r bunu h\u0259min qad\u0131na ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr g\u00f6st\u0259rs\u0259k nec\u0259? M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, \u201csabah q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131z\u0131n qay\u0131nanas\u0131 sizin g\u0259lininizl\u0259 davrand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z kimi q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131zla davransa, raz\u0131 qalars\u0131n\u0131z?\u201d Y\u0259qin \u00e7oxlar\u0131n\u0131n cavab\u0131 d\u0259rhal \u201cyox\u201d olacaq. B\u0259s insan ba\u015fqas\u0131na t\u0259tbiq etdiyi davran\u0131\u015f\u0131 \u00f6z do\u011fmas\u0131na r\u0259va g\u00f6rm\u00fcrs\u0259, daxil\u0259n onun \u0259dal\u0259tsiz oldu\u011funu bilmirmi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— B\u0259li, \u0259slind\u0259 insan\u0131n daxilind\u0259 bunun \u0259dal\u0259tsiz oldu\u011funu bil\u0259n t\u0259r\u0259f var. Sad\u0259c\u0259 bilm\u0259k ba\u015fqa \u015feydir, bunu \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 etiraf etm\u0259k ba\u015fqa. Siz h\u0259min qad\u0131na des\u0259niz ki, \u201cSabah q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131z\u0131n qay\u0131nanas\u0131 sizin g\u0259lininizl\u0259 davrand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z kimi q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131zla davransa, raz\u0131 qalars\u0131n\u0131z?\u201d — \u00e7ox g\u00fcman ki, d\u0259rhal \u201cxeyr\u201d dey\u0259c\u0259k.<\/strong>
\u00c7\u00fcnki s\u00f6hb\u0259t q\u0131z\u0131na g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259 \u201ct\u0259rbiy\u0259\u201d s\u00f6z\u00fc yox olur, onun yerin\u0259 \u201ct\u0259zyiq\u201d, \u201chaqs\u0131zl\u0131q\u201d, \u201ch\u00f6rm\u0259tsizlik\u201d g\u0259lir. Burada insan b\u0259z\u0259n eyni davran\u0131\u015fa f\u0259rqli ad qoyaraq \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc haql\u0131 \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131r: q\u0131z\u0131na edil\u0259nd\u0259 z\u00fclm, g\u0259linin\u0259 edil\u0259nd\u0259 t\u0259rbiy\u0259.Amma sa\u011flam meyar \u00e7ox sad\u0259dir: \u201cBu m\u0259nim q\u0131z\u0131md\u0131r, yoxsa g\u0259linimdir?\u201d yox, \u201cM\u0259nim etdiyim do\u011frudurmu?\u201d\u00c7\u00fcnki q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131za r\u0259va bilm\u0259diyimiz bir davran\u0131\u015f\u0131 ba\u015fqa bir qad\u0131na r\u0259va g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u00fcks\u0259, problem art\u0131q g\u0259linin davran\u0131\u015f\u0131nda deyil, bizim \u0259dal\u0259t anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdad\u0131r.<\/strong>
\u201cQ\u0131z\u0131n\u0131za edil\u0259nd\u0259 z\u00fclm, g\u0259lininiz\u0259 edil\u0259nd\u0259 t\u0259rbiy\u0259dirs\u0259, problem davran\u0131\u015fda yox, sizin meyar\u0131n\u0131zdad\u0131r.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Bir ba\u015fqa paradoks da var. Q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n \u0259ri ev i\u015fl\u0259rind\u0259 ona k\u00f6m\u0259k ed\u0259nd\u0259 ana sevinir: \u201cMa\u015fallah, q\u0131z\u0131ma \u0259l tutur\u201d. \u00d6z o\u011flu h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131 il\u0259 qab yuyanda, u\u015fa\u011fa baxanda, evi y\u0131\u011f\u0131\u015fd\u0131randa is\u0259 b\u0259z\u0259n eyni qad\u0131n narahat olur: \u201cG\u0259lin o\u011flumu i\u015fl\u0259dib…\u201d (g\u00fcl\u00fcr) Ba\u015fqas\u0131n\u0131n o\u011flunun q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131za etdiyi i\u015fi \u201cqay\u011f\u0131\u201d, \u00f6z o\u011flumuzun g\u0259linimiz\u0259 etdiyini niy\u0259 \u201carvad\u0131n s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 baxmaq\u201d kimi g\u00f6r\u0259 bilirik?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— \u00c7\u00fcnki burada da problem davran\u0131\u015fda deyil, davran\u0131\u015fa verdiyimiz m\u0259nadad\u0131r.<\/strong>
Q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n \u0259ri ev i\u015fin\u0259 k\u00f6m\u0259k ed\u0259nd\u0259 bunu \u201cqay\u011f\u0131\u201d kimi g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u00fck. Amma \u00f6z o\u011flumuz eyni i\u015fi g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 \u201co\u011flumu i\u015fl\u0259dirl\u0259r\u201d deyirik. Halbuki h\u0259r iki halda ortada eyni \u015fey var: ail\u0259 i\u00e7ind\u0259 m\u0259suliyy\u0259tin b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcr\u00fclm\u0259si.Burada \u00e7ox vaxt k\u00f6hn\u0259 bir gender d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259si i\u015fl\u0259yir: \u201cEv i\u015fi qad\u0131n\u0131n i\u015fidir, ki\u015fi k\u00f6m\u0259k edirs\u0259, bu onun yax\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131d\u0131r.\u201d Amma ki\u015fi evin bir par\u00e7as\u0131d\u0131rsa, u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n atas\u0131d\u0131rsa, o, ev i\u015fin\u0259 \u201ck\u00f6m\u0259k etmir\u201d — \u00f6z m\u0259suliyy\u0259tini b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr. \u018fn maraql\u0131s\u0131 da budur ki, insan q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 qorumaq ist\u0259y\u0259rk\u0259n ba\u015fqa bir qad\u0131n\u0131n rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 o\u011flunun hesab\u0131na g\u00f6rm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131r.<\/strong>
M\u0259nc\u0259, \u00e7ox sad\u0259 bir g\u00fczg\u00fc sual\u0131 var: \u201cQ\u0131z\u0131n\u0131z\u0131n \u0259rinin etdiyi i\u015fi qay\u011f\u0131 adland\u0131r\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131zsa, o\u011flunuzun etdiyi eyni i\u015fi niy\u0259 istismar hesab edirsiniz?\u201d<\/strong>
\u018fg\u0259r cavab ver\u0259 bilmiriks\u0259, dem\u0259li, problem g\u0259linin t\u0259l\u0259bind\u0259 deyil, bizim o\u011ful v\u0259 qad\u0131n rollar\u0131 haqq\u0131nda k\u00f6hn\u0259 t\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcrl\u0259rimizd\u0259dir.<\/strong>
V\u0259 \u0259n sa\u011flam m\u00f6vqe d\u0259 m\u0259hz el\u0259 budur: o\u011ful arvad\u0131na k\u00f6m\u0259k etmir, \u0259ksin\u0259 — \u00f6z ail\u0259sin\u0259 sahib \u00e7\u0131x\u0131r.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— C\u0259miyy\u0259td\u0259 m\u0259\u015fhur bir c\u00fcml\u0259 d\u0259 var: \u201cO\u011flan u\u015fa\u011f\u0131d\u0131r…\u201d Ota\u011f\u0131n\u0131 y\u0131\u011fm\u0131r — o\u011fland\u0131r. Yem\u0259k haz\u0131rlam\u0131r — o\u011fland\u0131r. Gec g\u0259lir — o\u011fland\u0131r. M\u0259i\u015f\u0259t m\u0259suliyy\u0259ti da\u015f\u0131m\u0131r — evl\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259 arvad\u0131 ed\u0259r. B\u0259s h\u0259min \u201co\u011fland\u0131r\u201d dediyimiz u\u015faq 25-30 ya\u015f\u0131nda \u0259r olanda onun h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131 hans\u0131 m\u00f6c\u00fcz\u0259 il\u0259 m\u0259suliyy\u0259tli ki\u015fi il\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmal\u0131d\u0131r? Anan\u0131n sevgisi b\u0259z\u0259n o\u011flunu qorumaq ad\u0131 alt\u0131nda onun g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k nikah\u0131na \u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck pisliyi ed\u0259 bil\u0259rmi? \u00c7\u00fcnki, q\u0131z u\u015fa\u011f\u0131na is\u0259 tam \u0259ks mesaj verilir: \u201cS\u0259n q\u0131zsan\u201d, \u201csabah g\u0259lin ged\u0259c\u0259ks\u0259n\u201d, \u201cbir az s\u0259birli ol\u201d, \u201cail\u0259ni qad\u0131n saxlay\u0131r\u201d. Y\u0259ni o\u011flana m\u0259suliyy\u0259td\u0259n azadl\u0131q, q\u0131za is\u0259 art\u0131q m\u0259suliyy\u0259t… Sonra bu iki insan ail\u0259 quranda biri \u201cniy\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyi m\u0259n etm\u0259liy\u0259m?\u201d, dig\u0259ri \u201cniy\u0259 etmirs\u0259n?\u201d deyirs\u0259, bu m\u00fcbahis\u0259nin m\u00fc\u0259llifi h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n yaln\u0131z \u0259r-arvadd\u0131rm\u0131?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

B\u0259li, burada \u00e7ox ciddi bir m\u0259qam var. U\u015fa\u011f\u0131 qorumaq ad\u0131 il\u0259 onun ed\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259yi h\u0259r \u015feyi onun yerin\u0259 etm\u0259k, \u0259slind\u0259, g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259kd\u0259 ona yax\u015f\u0131l\u0131q etm\u0259y\u0259 d\u0259 bil\u0259r. O\u011flana \u201co\u011fland\u0131r, qoy etsin\u201d deyib m\u0259suliyy\u0259td\u0259n azadl\u0131q verm\u0259k, q\u0131za is\u0259 \u201cs\u0259n q\u0131zsan, bunlar\u0131 bilm\u0259lis\u0259n\u201d deyib y\u00fck verm\u0259k sa\u011flam yana\u015fma deyil. Ev i\u015fi d\u0259, m\u0259suliyy\u0259t d\u0259, qay\u011f\u0131 da cinsiyy\u0259tl\u0259 m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259n olunmamal\u0131d\u0131r.<\/strong>
\u018fg\u0259r o\u011flan u\u015faql\u0131qdan \u00f6z ota\u011f\u0131n\u0131 y\u0131\u011fm\u0131rsa, yem\u0259k haz\u0131rlam\u0131rsa, evin i\u015find\u0259 i\u015ftirak etmirs\u0259 v\u0259 h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 onun yerin\u0259 kims\u0259 edirs\u0259, 25-30 ya\u015f\u0131nda bird\u0259n-bir\u0259 m\u0259suliyy\u0259tli h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131na \u00e7evrilm\u0259sini g\u00f6zl\u0259m\u0259k real deyil. Amma burada m\u0259qs\u0259d anan\u0131 g\u00fcnahland\u0131rmaq da deyil. \u00c7ox vaxt ana bunu sevgid\u0259n edir: \u201cO\u011flum yorulmas\u0131n, m\u0259n ed\u0259r\u0259m.\u201d Sad\u0259c\u0259, sevgi il\u0259 edil\u0259n h\u0259r \u015fey inki\u015faf etdirici olmaya bil\u0259r. Eyni \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 q\u0131za \u201cail\u0259ni qad\u0131n saxlay\u0131r\u201d mesaj\u0131n\u0131 verm\u0259k d\u0259 d\u00fczg\u00fcn deyil. Bel\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u0259n qad\u0131n sonradan m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259 \u00f6z \u00fcz\u0259rin\u0259 laz\u0131m oldu\u011fundan art\u0131q y\u00fck g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u0259 bil\u0259r. \u018fslind\u0259 u\u015fa\u011fa \u00f6yr\u0259dilm\u0259li olan \u00e7ox sad\u0259 bir \u015feydir: \u201cS\u0259n o\u011flansan\u201d v\u0259 ya \u201cs\u0259n q\u0131zsan\u201d yox, \u201cs\u0259n bu ail\u0259nin \u00fczv\u00fcs\u0259n v\u0259 s\u0259nin d\u0259 m\u0259suliyy\u0259tl\u0259rin var.\u201d<\/strong>
\u00c7\u00fcnki sa\u011flam ail\u0259 birinin xidm\u0259t etdiyi, dig\u0259rinin is\u0259 xidm\u0259t ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 m\u00fcnasib\u0259t deyil. \u0130ki yetkin insan\u0131n birlikd\u0259 m\u0259suliyy\u0259t da\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 t\u0259r\u0259fda\u015fl\u0131qd\u0131r.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Aysu xan\u0131m, b\u0259zi analar\u0131n \u201cm\u0259n d\u0259 g\u0259lin olmu\u015fam\u201d arqumenti d\u0259 \u00e7ox maraql\u0131d\u0131r. \u201cM\u0259n d\u0259 s\u0259h\u0259r tezd\u0259n durmu\u015fam\u201d, \u201cM\u0259n d\u0259 qay\u0131nanama qulluq etmi\u015f\u0259m\u201d, \u201cM\u0259n d\u0259 d\u00f6zm\u00fc\u015f\u0259m…\u201d Burada bir az q\u0259rib\u0259 \u0259dal\u0259t anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131 yaranm\u0131rm\u0131? \u0130nsan vaxtil\u0259 \u0259ziyy\u0259t \u00e7\u0259kibs\u0259, bunun n\u00f6vb\u0259ti qad\u0131n\u0131n \u0259ziyy\u0259t \u00e7\u0259km\u0259m\u0259si \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn s\u0259b\u0259b olmas\u0131 daha m\u0259ntiqli g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr. Amma b\u0259z\u0259n \u0259ksin\u0259 olur: m\u0259n \u00e7\u0259kmi\u015f\u0259m, s\u0259n d\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259lis\u0259n.<\/em> \u0130nsan \u00f6z a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 niy\u0259 ba\u015fqas\u0131n\u0131n azadl\u0131\u011f\u0131na yox, ba\u015fqas\u0131n\u0131n da eyni a\u011fr\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015famas\u0131na \u0259sas kimi istifad\u0259 edir?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u0259nc\u0259, burada bir az \u201cm\u0259n \u00e7\u0259kmi\u015f\u0259ms\u0259, dem\u0259li bu, bel\u0259 olmal\u0131d\u0131r\u201d d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259si var. \u0130nsan b\u0259z\u0259n ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0259ziyy\u0259tin m\u0259nas\u0131n\u0131 tapmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn onun davam etm\u0259sin\u0259 ehtiyac duyur. \u00c7\u00fcnki \u201cm\u0259n bunlar\u0131 bo\u015f yer\u0259 ya\u015fam\u0131\u015fam\u201d fikrini q\u0259bul etm\u0259k a\u011f\u0131r ola bil\u0259r.<\/strong>
\u201cM\u0259n d\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kmi\u015f\u0259m, s\u0259n d\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259lis\u0259n\u201d \u0259slind\u0259 \u0259dal\u0259t deyil, n\u0259sill\u0259raras\u0131 a\u011fr\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fclm\u0259sidir. Halbuki sa\u011flam yana\u015fma bel\u0259 olard\u0131: \u201cM\u0259n bunlar\u0131 ya\u015fam\u0131\u015fam, bilir\u0259m n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u00e7\u0259tindir v\u0259 ist\u0259yir\u0259m s\u0259n m\u0259nim ya\u015fad\u0131qlar\u0131m\u0131 ya\u015fama.\u201d<\/strong>
Bir d\u0259 burada g\u0259lin\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 olan m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259 yana\u015f\u0131, qad\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6z d\u0259y\u0259rini yaln\u0131z f\u0259dakarl\u0131q \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259n m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259n etm\u0259si m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259si var. Sanki n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u00e7ox d\u00f6z\u00fcrs\u0259ns\u0259, bir o q\u0259d\u0259r yax\u015f\u0131 qad\u0131nsan. Bu is\u0259 sa\u011flam deyil. \u018fslind\u0259 bir n\u0259slin qazand\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck u\u011fur \u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259n sonrak\u0131 n\u0259slin eyni a\u011fr\u0131lar\u0131 ya\u015famamas\u0131d\u0131r. S\u0259nin \u00e7\u0259kdiyin \u0259ziyy\u0259t q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n v\u0259 ya g\u0259lininin d\u0259 \u0259ziyy\u0259t \u00e7\u0259km\u0259si \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn s\u0259b\u0259b yox, m\u0259hz onlar\u0131n daha rahat ya\u015famas\u0131 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn bir d\u0259rs olmal\u0131d\u0131r.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Bax\u0131n, \u0259r evin\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259n g\u0259lin sanki g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259z bir i\u015f m\u00fcsahib\u0259sin\u0259 q\u0259bul olunur: yax\u015f\u0131 yem\u0259k bi\u015fir\u0259c\u0259kmi, evi s\u0259liq\u0259li saxlayacaqm\u0131, qona\u011f\u0131 qar\u015f\u0131layacaqm\u0131, b\u00f6y\u00fckl\u0259r\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259t ed\u0259c\u0259kmi, o\u011flumuza yax\u015f\u0131 baxacaqm\u0131… Siyah\u0131 uzand\u0131qca uzan\u0131r. B\u0259s o\u011flan \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn siyah\u0131 han\u0131? Yax\u015f\u0131 \u0259r olacaqm\u0131? Qad\u0131n\u0131 incid\u0259nd\u0259 \u00fczr ist\u0259m\u0259yi bacaracaqm\u0131? M\u0259i\u015f\u0259t y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fc b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015f\u0259c\u0259kmi? H\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131n\u0131n valideynl\u0259rin\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259t ed\u0259c\u0259kmi? Onu \u00f6z ail\u0259sinin qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda m\u00fcdafi\u0259 ed\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259kmi? Niy\u0259 g\u0259linliy\u0259 namiz\u0259di imtahan edirik, amma \u0259rliy\u0259 namiz\u0259d sanki imtahans\u0131z q\u0259bul olunur? Sizc\u0259, g\u0259linl\u0259r m\u0259hz buna g\u00f6r\u0259 qaynanal\u0131-qaynatal\u0131 ev\u0259 g\u0259lin g\u0259lm\u0259k ist\u0259mir?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— M\u0259nc\u0259, m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259y\u0259 n\u0259 yaln\u0131z \u201cqay\u0131nana g\u00fcnahkard\u0131r\u201d, n\u0259 d\u0259 \u201cg\u0259lin haql\u0131d\u0131r\u201d prizmas\u0131ndan baxmaq laz\u0131md\u0131r. \u018fsas problem odur ki, biz \u00e7ox vaxt g\u0259lin \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn uzun bir \u201ct\u0259l\u0259bl\u0259r siyah\u0131s\u0131\u201d haz\u0131rlay\u0131r\u0131q, amma o\u011flan \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn eyni suallar\u0131 vermirik: m\u0259suliyy\u0259tlidirmi, m\u0259i\u015f\u0259ti b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrm\u00fc, h\u00f6rm\u0259t edir, \u00fczr ist\u0259m\u0259yi bacar\u0131rm\u0131, h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131n\u0131n s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259rini qoruyurmu?<\/strong>
Dig\u0259r t\u0259r\u0259fd\u0259n, h\u0259r ail\u0259nin \u00f6z d\u0259y\u0259rl\u0259ri v\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259ntil\u0259ri ola bil\u0259r. Problem g\u00f6zl\u0259ntinin \u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259 yox, onun birt\u0259r\u0259fli olmas\u0131ndad\u0131r. Evlilik bir insan\u0131n dig\u0259r ail\u0259y\u0259 uy\u011funla\u015fmas\u0131 deyil, iki yetkin insan\u0131n birlikd\u0259 yeni ail\u0259 qurmas\u0131d\u0131r.<\/strong>
Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 \u201cbu q\u0131z nec\u0259 g\u0259lin olacaq?\u201d sual\u0131ndan \u0259vv\u0259l \u201cbizim o\u011flumuz nec\u0259 \u0259r olacaq?\u201d sual\u0131n\u0131 verm\u0259k laz\u0131md\u0131r. V\u0259 eyni zamanda g\u0259ncl\u0259r d\u0259 bilm\u0259lidir ki, sa\u011flam m\u00fcnasib\u0259t \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn yaln\u0131z valideynl\u0259ri g\u00fcnahland\u0131rmaq yox, \u00f6z s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259rini, m\u0259suliyy\u0259tl\u0259rini v\u0259 se\u00e7iml\u0259rini d\u0259 m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259nl\u0259\u015fdirm\u0259k laz\u0131md\u0131r.N\u0259tic\u0259d\u0259 n\u0259 yax\u015f\u0131 g\u0259lin, n\u0259 d\u0259 yax\u015f\u0131 o\u011ful ail\u0259ni t\u0259kba\u015f\u0131na xilas edir. Ail\u0259ni iki m\u0259suliyy\u0259tli, yetkin v\u0259 bir-birin\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259t ed\u0259n insan qurur.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Burada analara bir az \u201ct\u0259hl\u00fck\u0259li\u201d sual ver\u0259k (g\u00fcl\u0259r\u0259k sual verir). Q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131z evl\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259 nec\u0259 k\u00fcr\u0259k\u0259n ist\u0259yirsiniz? Q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131za h\u00f6rm\u0259t ed\u0259n, onun s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc dinl\u0259y\u0259n, qay\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6st\u0259r\u0259n, ev i\u015fl\u0259rini b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015f\u0259n, anas\u0131n\u0131n h\u0259r s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc evin\u0259 da\u015f\u0131mayan bir ki\u015fi, el\u0259 deyilmi? B\u0259s o\u011flunuzu m\u0259hz bel\u0259 bir ki\u015fi kimi yeti\u015fdirmisinizmi? Ba\u015fqa bir anadan yax\u015f\u0131 k\u00fcr\u0259k\u0259n t\u0259l\u0259b edib \u00f6z o\u011flumuzu yax\u015f\u0131 \u0259r olma\u011fa haz\u0131rlamamaq n\u0259 d\u0259r\u0259c\u0259d\u0259 \u0259dal\u0259tlidir?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— \u018fslind\u0259, bu, analara veril\u0259si \u0259n vacib suallardan biridir.\u00c7\u00fcnki h\u0259r ana q\u0131z\u0131na h\u00f6rm\u0259t ed\u0259n, qay\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6st\u0259r\u0259n, m\u0259suliyy\u0259tli v\u0259 ev i\u015fini b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015f\u0259n bir k\u00fcr\u0259k\u0259n ist\u0259yir. Amma eyni g\u00f6zl\u0259ntini \u00f6z o\u011fluna t\u0259tbiq etm\u0259k b\u0259z\u0259n unudulur.<\/strong>
Halbuki \u0259dal\u0259t \u00e7ox sad\u0259dir: ba\u015fqa anadan o\u011flunuz \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn nec\u0259 bir g\u0259lin g\u00f6zl\u0259yirsinizs\u0259, \u00f6z o\u011flunuzu da ba\u015fqa bir q\u0131z\u0131n nec\u0259 bir h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131na ehtiyac\u0131 oldu\u011funu n\u0259z\u0259r\u0259 alaraq b\u00f6y\u00fctm\u0259lisiniz.O\u011flunu qorumaq onun h\u0259r i\u015fini g\u00f6rm\u0259k deyil; onu g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k h\u0259yat\u0131na haz\u0131rlamaqd\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnki yax\u015f\u0131 \u0259r t\u0259sad\u00fcf\u0259n formala\u015fm\u0131r, u\u015faql\u0131qdan m\u0259suliyy\u0259t, h\u00f6rm\u0259t, empatiya v\u0259 payla\u015fma \u00f6yr\u0259n\u0259r\u0259k yeti\u015fir.<\/strong>
B\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 h\u0259r ana o\u011fluna bu sual\u0131 verm\u0259lidir: \u201cS\u0259n sabah ba\u015fqa bir anan\u0131n q\u0131z\u0131na m\u0259nim q\u0131z\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn arzulad\u0131\u011f\u0131m m\u00fcnasib\u0259ti g\u00f6st\u0259r\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259ks\u0259nmi?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Bir d\u0259 — \u201canamd\u0131r\u201d m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259si var. O\u011flan anas\u0131n\u0131n h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131na haqs\u0131zl\u0131q etdiyini g\u00f6r\u00fcr, amma \u201canamd\u0131r, n\u0259 deyim?\u201d deyib susur. G\u0259lin \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc m\u00fcdafi\u0259 ed\u0259nd\u0259 is\u0259 \u201canamla bel\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fma\u201d deyir. Bel\u0259likl\u0259, qad\u0131n\u0131n qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda q\u0259rib\u0259 se\u00e7im yaran\u0131r: haqs\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa susmal\u0131d\u0131r, \u00e7\u00fcnki qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndak\u0131 \u0259rinin anas\u0131d\u0131r. Psixoloji bax\u0131mdan ki\u015finin bel\u0259 v\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259 susmas\u0131 h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n neytrall\u0131qd\u0131rm\u0131, yoxsa susmaqla faktiki olaraq bir t\u0259r\u0259fi se\u00e7mi\u015f olur?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Psixoloji bax\u0131mdan bu, \u00e7ox vaxt neytrall\u0131q dem\u0259k deyil. \u0130nsan haqs\u0131zl\u0131q qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda susanda, x\u00fcsusil\u0259 d\u0259 h\u0259min haqs\u0131zl\u0131q h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131na qar\u015f\u0131 y\u00f6n\u0259libs\u0259, susmas\u0131 qar\u015f\u0131 t\u0259r\u0259fd\u0259 \u201cm\u0259n t\u0259k\u0259m, h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131m m\u0259ni m\u00fcdafi\u0259 etmir\u201d hissi yarada bil\u0259r.<\/strong>
Amma burada s\u00f6hb\u0259t anan\u0131 qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na almaqdan da getmir. Yetkin ki\u015finin v\u0259zif\u0259si t\u0259r\u0259f se\u00e7m\u0259k yox, s\u0259rh\u0259d qoymaqd\u0131r. \u201cS\u0259n m\u0259nim anamsan, amma h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131ma bu \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 davranma\u011f\u0131n do\u011fru deyil\u201d dey\u0259 bilm\u0259k h\u0259m anaya h\u00f6rm\u0259ti, h\u0259m d\u0259 h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131na s\u0259daq\u0259ti qorumaqd\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnki \u201canamd\u0131r\u201d m\u00fcnasib\u0259tin izah\u0131d\u0131r, amma haqs\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n b\u0259ra\u0259ti deyil. \u018fg\u0259r ki\u015fi h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 anas\u0131n\u0131 qorumaq namin\u0259 h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131n\u0131n s\u0259rh\u0259dini pozulma\u011fa burax\u0131rsa, zamanla m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 ana il\u0259 g\u0259lin aras\u0131ndak\u0131 konflikt olmaqdan \u00e7\u0131x\u0131r v\u0259 \u0259r-arvad m\u00fcnasib\u0259tinin problemin\u0259 \u00e7evrilir. \u018fsl yetkinlik anan\u0131 se\u00e7m\u0259k v\u0259 ya h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131n\u0131 se\u00e7m\u0259k deyil; h\u0259r k\u0259s\u0259 \u00f6z s\u0259rh\u0259dini g\u00f6st\u0259rm\u0259kdir.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n


— \u201cG\u0259lin g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259n o\u011flum d\u0259yi\u015fib…\u201d Bu c\u00fcml\u0259 d\u0259 az qala folklor n\u00fcmun\u0259sin\u0259 \u00e7evrilib. (g\u00fcl\u00fcr) Amma Aysu xan\u0131m, insan evl\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259n sonra d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259m\u0259lidirmi? Art\u0131q h\u0259yat\u0131nda h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131 var, sabah u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 olacaq, yeni m\u0259suliyy\u0259tl\u0259ri yaranacaq. Ana o\u011flunun h\u0259yat\u0131nda \u0259vv\u0259lki yerinin formas\u0131n\u0131n d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259sini q\u0259bul ed\u0259 bilm\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259 g\u0259lin onun \u015f\u00fcurunda \u201co\u011flumu \u0259limd\u0259n alan qad\u0131n\u201da \u00e7evril\u0259 bil\u0259rmi? Burada sevgi il\u0259 sahiblik hissinin s\u0259rh\u0259di haradad\u0131r?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— B\u0259li, bu, \u00e7ox real bir psixoloji prosesdir. \u018fslind\u0259 problem g\u0259linin g\u0259lm\u0259si deyil, anan\u0131n o\u011flunun h\u0259yat\u0131ndak\u0131 rolunun d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259sini q\u0259bul ed\u0259 bilm\u0259m\u0259sidir.<\/strong>
\u00d6vlad evl\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259 ana o\u011flunu itirmir, sad\u0259c\u0259 onunla m\u00fcnasib\u0259tinin formas\u0131 d\u0259yi\u015fir. Sa\u011flam m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259 ana bunu q\u0259bul edir: \u201cO\u011flum art\u0131q m\u00fcst\u0259qil bir ail\u0259 qurub v\u0259 onun h\u0259yat\u0131nda h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259m\u0259xsus yeri var.\u201d Amma ana o\u011flunun h\u0259yat\u0131ndak\u0131 \u0259vv\u0259lki m\u00f6vqeyini qoruma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rsa, g\u0259lin \u015f\u00fcuralt\u0131 olaraq r\u0259qib kimi qavran\u0131la bil\u0259r. Bu zaman \u201co\u011flumu m\u0259nd\u0259n ald\u0131\u201d, \u201co\u011flum \u0259vv\u0259l bel\u0259 deyildi\u201d, \u201cg\u0259lin g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259n d\u0259yi\u015fdi\u201d kimi fikirl\u0259r yaran\u0131r.<\/strong>
Burada \u00e7ox vacib bir f\u0259rq var: sevgi \u201cs\u0259nin yax\u015f\u0131 olma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259yir\u0259m\u201d deyir, sahiblik is\u0259 \u201cm\u0259nim ist\u0259diyim kimi ol\u201d deyir. Ana o\u011flunu sevirs\u0259, onun se\u00e7iml\u0259rin\u0259, s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259rin\u0259 v\u0259 qurdu\u011fu ail\u0259y\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259t etm\u0259yi d\u0259 bacarmal\u0131d\u0131r. \u018fks halda sevgi kimi g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u0259n davran\u0131\u015f\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 n\u0259zar\u0259t v\u0259 itirm\u0259k qorxusu ola bil\u0259r.<\/strong>
\u018flb\u0259tt\u0259, o\u011fulun davran\u0131\u015f\u0131 da d\u0259yi\u015f\u0259 bil\u0259r. \u00c7\u00fcnki h\u0259yat m\u0259rh\u0259l\u0259si d\u0259yi\u015fib, prioritetl\u0259ri d\u0259yi\u015fib, m\u0259suliyy\u0259tl\u0259ri art\u0131b. Bu, m\u00fctl\u0259q g\u0259linin t\u0259siri dem\u0259k deyil. Yetkinl\u0259\u015fm\u0259k, ail\u0259 qurmaq v\u0259 h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131na ba\u011fl\u0131l\u0131q g\u00f6st\u0259rm\u0259k \u201canas\u0131ndan uzaqla\u015fmaq\u201d anlam\u0131na g\u0259lmir.<\/strong>
\u018fn sa\u011flam model is\u0259 bel\u0259dir: ana o\u011flunun h\u0259yat\u0131ndak\u0131 yerini qoruyur, amma \u0259vv\u0259lki yerind\u0259 israr etmir. \u00c7\u00fcnki \u00f6vlad b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fckc\u0259 valideynin sevgisi azalmal\u0131 deyil, m\u00fcnasib\u0259tin formas\u0131 d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259lidir. Bu d\u0259yi\u015fiklik q\u0259bul olunmad\u0131qda is\u0259 ail\u0259d\u0259 \u201ckim daha \u00f6n\u0259mlidir?\u201d m\u00fcbariz\u0259si ba\u015flay\u0131r. Halbuki burada qalib g\u0259lm\u0259li olan n\u0259 ana, n\u0259 d\u0259 g\u0259lin deyil — m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259rin sa\u011flaml\u0131\u011f\u0131d\u0131r.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Maraql\u0131d\u0131r, h\u0259min ana \u00f6z q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n \u0259rinin d\u0259 h\u0259r q\u0259rar\u0131 anas\u0131 il\u0259 verm\u0259sini ist\u0259y\u0259rmi? Q\u0131z\u0131 des\u0259 ki, \u201c\u018frim h\u0259r s\u00f6hb\u0259timizi anas\u0131na dan\u0131\u015f\u0131r, h\u0259r q\u0259rarda anas\u0131n\u0131n fikrini soru\u015fur\u201d, \u00e7ox g\u00fcman, \u201cbu n\u0259 ail\u0259dir?\u201d dey\u0259 narahat olacaq. Amma \u00f6z o\u011flu h\u0259r \u015feyi ona dan\u0131\u015fanda bunu \u201co\u011flum m\u0259ni \u00e7ox ist\u0259yir\u201d kimi q\u0259bul ed\u0259 bil\u0259r. Niy\u0259 ba\u015fqa anan\u0131n o\u011flunda emosional as\u0131l\u0131l\u0131q g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fcz davran\u0131\u015f \u00f6z o\u011flumuzda ana sevgisin\u0259 \u00e7evrilir?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— \u00c7\u00fcnki insan \u00f6z m\u00fcnasib\u0259tind\u0259 olan davran\u0131\u015f\u0131 \u00e7ox vaxt obyektiv deyil, emosional m\u00f6vqed\u0259n qiym\u0259tl\u0259ndirir. Ba\u015fqas\u0131n\u0131n ail\u0259sind\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fcz davran\u0131\u015fa \u201cas\u0131l\u0131l\u0131q\u201d dey\u0259 bildiyimiz halda, \u00f6z \u00f6vlad\u0131m\u0131zda h\u0259min davran\u0131\u015f\u0131 \u201cyax\u0131nl\u0131q\u201d, \u201ch\u00f6rm\u0259t\u201d, h\u0259tta \u201cana sevgisi\u201d kimi izah ed\u0259 bilirik.<\/strong>
Burada bir n\u00f6v ikili standart yaran\u0131r. Q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131 h\u0259r q\u0259rar\u0131 anas\u0131 il\u0259 m\u00fczakir\u0259 edirs\u0259, ana bunu q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n ail\u0259 s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259rin\u0259 m\u00fcdaxil\u0259 kimi g\u00f6r\u0259 bil\u0259r. Amma eyni davran\u0131\u015f \u00f6z o\u011flunda olanda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u0259 bil\u0259r: \u201cO\u011flum m\u0259nd\u0259n he\u00e7 n\u0259 gizl\u0259tmir, dem\u0259li, m\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7ox g\u00fcv\u0259nir.\u201d Halbuki m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 kimin anas\u0131 olmas\u0131 deyil, yetkin insan\u0131n \u00f6z h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131n q\u0259rarlar\u0131n\u0131 n\u0259 d\u0259r\u0259c\u0259d\u0259 m\u00fcst\u0259qil ver\u0259 bilm\u0259sidir.<\/strong>
Sa\u011flam ana-o\u011ful m\u00fcnasib\u0259tind\u0259 o\u011ful anas\u0131n\u0131n fikrini soru\u015fa bil\u0259r, onunla m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259tl\u0259\u015f\u0259 bil\u0259r, amma son q\u0259rar\u0131n m\u0259suliyy\u0259tini \u00f6z\u00fc da\u015f\u0131y\u0131r. Emosional as\u0131l\u0131l\u0131qda is\u0259 insan\u0131n \u201cM\u0259n n\u0259 ist\u0259yir\u0259m?\u201d sual\u0131ndan \u0259vv\u0259l \u201cAnam bunu nec\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131layacaq?\u201d sual\u0131 g\u0259lir.<\/strong>
B\u0259z\u0259n ana da f\u0259rqind\u0259 olmadan bu sistemin davam etm\u0259sin\u0259 xidm\u0259t edir. O\u011ful h\u0259r m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259d\u0259 ona m\u00fcraci\u0259t etdikc\u0259 ana \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc vacib, ehtiyac duyulan v\u0259 \u0259v\u0259zolunmaz hiss edir. Bu hiss \u00e7ox xo\u015fdur. Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 ana \u201cM\u0259n o\u011flumun h\u0259yat\u0131nda niy\u0259 bu q\u0259d\u0259r q\u0259rarverici olmal\u0131yam?\u201d sual\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 verm\u0259y\u0259 bil\u0259r.<\/strong>
\u018fslind\u0259 is\u0259 \u00f6vlad\u0131n siz\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyi dan\u0131\u015fmas\u0131 il\u0259 sizd\u0259n icaz\u0259 alma\u011fa ehtiyac duymas\u0131 eyni \u015fey deyil. Yax\u0131nl\u0131q sa\u011flamd\u0131r, as\u0131l\u0131l\u0131q is\u0259 m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259 s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259ri pozur.V\u0259 burada \u00e7ox vacib bir m\u0259qam var: ana o\u011flunun m\u00fcst\u0259qilliyini q\u0259bul etdikc\u0259 onun h\u0259yat\u0131ndak\u0131 d\u0259y\u0259ri azalm\u0131r. \u018fksin\u0259, m\u00fcnasib\u0259t daha sa\u011flam formaya ke\u00e7ir. Ana art\u0131q o\u011flunun h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131 idar\u0259 ed\u0259n \u015f\u0259xs yox, ehtiyac olduqda m\u00fcraci\u0259t etdiyi g\u00fcv\u0259nli bir insan olur. M\u0259nc\u0259, anal\u0131qda \u0259n \u00e7\u0259tin, amma \u0259n sa\u011flam m\u0259rh\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 m\u0259hz budur: \u201cM\u0259nim \u00f6vlad\u0131m m\u0259n\u0259 ehtiyac duymasa bel\u0259, m\u0259n onun anas\u0131yam\u201d hissini q\u0259bul etm\u0259k.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— G\u0259linin geyimin\u0259, i\u015fin\u0259, dostlar\u0131na, ev\u0259 g\u0259lm\u0259 saat\u0131na, u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 nec\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fctm\u0259sin\u0259 m\u00fcdaxil\u0259 ed\u0259n ail\u0259l\u0259r d\u0259 var. Amma h\u0259min ail\u0259nin evli q\u0131z\u0131na qay\u0131nanas\u0131 eyni \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 m\u00fcdaxil\u0259 ets\u0259, \u201cQ\u0131z\u0131m\u0131n \u00f6z h\u0259yat\u0131 var\u201d dey\u0259 etiraz edil\u0259c\u0259k. \u201cM\u0259nim q\u0131z\u0131ma qar\u0131\u015fmaq olmaz, amma m\u0259n g\u0259linim\u0259 dey\u0259 bil\u0259r\u0259m\u201d d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259sinin psixoloji k\u00f6k\u00fcnd\u0259 n\u0259 dayan\u0131r — hakimiyy\u0259t, ail\u0259 iyerarxiyas\u0131, sahiblik, yoxsa \u00f6yr\u0259nilmi\u015f \u0259n\u0259n\u0259?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Burada \u00e7ox vaxt \u201cm\u0259nim q\u0131z\u0131ma olmaz, amma m\u0259nim g\u0259linim\u0259 olar\u201d d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259sinin arxas\u0131nda ail\u0259 daxilind\u0259 formala\u015fm\u0131\u015f ikili standart dayan\u0131r. \u0130nsan \u00f6z q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 m\u00fcst\u0259qil f\u0259rd kimi g\u00f6r\u00fcr, amma g\u0259lin\u0259 m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259 onu ail\u0259nin qaydalar\u0131na uy\u011funla\u015fmal\u0131 olan biri kimi q\u0259bul edir. Bunun psixoloji k\u00f6k\u00fcnd\u0259 ilk n\u00f6vb\u0259d\u0259 hakimiyy\u0259t v\u0259 n\u0259zar\u0259t ehtiyac\u0131 ola bil\u0259r. X\u00fcsusil\u0259 ail\u0259d\u0259 \u201cb\u00f6y\u00fck deyibs\u0259, bel\u0259 olmal\u0131d\u0131r\u201d prinsipi g\u00fccl\u00fcd\u00fcrs\u0259, ya\u015fca b\u00f6y\u00fck olmaq avtomatik olaraq daha \u00e7ox s\u00f6z haqq\u0131 kimi q\u0259bul edilir. G\u0259lin d\u0259 h\u0259min iyerarxiyada a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 m\u00f6vqed\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcr. Bel\u0259likl\u0259, onun geyimi, i\u015fi, dostlar\u0131, ev\u0259 g\u0259lm\u0259 saat\u0131, h\u0259tta u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 b\u00f6y\u00fctm\u0259 t\u0259rzi bel\u0259 ail\u0259nin m\u00fcdaxil\u0259 ed\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259yi sah\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 \u00e7evrilir.<\/strong>
\u0130kinci t\u0259r\u0259fd\u0259n, burada sahiblik hissi d\u0259 ola bil\u0259r. B\u0259zi ail\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259 o\u011ful evl\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259 g\u0259lin\u0259 \u201co\u011flumun h\u0259yat\u0131na daxil olan qad\u0131n\u201d kimi deyil, \u201cbizim ail\u0259y\u0259 daxil olan v\u0259 bizim qaydalar\u0131m\u0131za uy\u011funla\u015fmal\u0131 olan qad\u0131n\u201d kimi bax\u0131l\u0131r. O\u011fulun h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131 il\u0259 qurdu\u011fu s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259r is\u0259 ana t\u0259r\u0259find\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 m\u0259saf\u0259 kimi q\u0259bul edil\u0259 bil\u0259r.<\/strong>
Amma bunun bir d\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259nilmi\u015f t\u0259r\u0259fi var. Bir qad\u0131n \u00f6z\u00fc vaxtil\u0259 qay\u0131nanas\u0131n\u0131n m\u00fcdaxil\u0259sini ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f ola bil\u0259r v\u0259 bunu normal ail\u0259 modeli kimi m\u0259nims\u0259yibs\u0259, ill\u0259r sonra eyni davran\u0131\u015f\u0131 g\u0259linin\u0259 g\u00f6st\u0259r\u0259 bil\u0259r. Y\u0259ni insan b\u0259z\u0259n vaxtil\u0259 \u0259ziyy\u0259t \u00e7\u0259kdiyi sistemi \u015f\u00fcursuz \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 t\u0259krarlay\u0131r. \u201cM\u0259n d\u0259 bel\u0259 ya\u015fam\u0131\u015fam\u201d d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259si \u201cdem\u0259li, bel\u0259 olmal\u0131d\u0131r\u201da \u00e7evrilir.Burada \u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck problem is\u0259 empatiyan\u0131n se\u00e7ici olmas\u0131d\u0131r. \u0130nsan q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 m\u00fcdaxil\u0259ni \u00e7ox asanl\u0131qla haqs\u0131zl\u0131q kimi g\u00f6r\u0259 bilir, amma eyni v\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259 g\u0259linin ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 narahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u00fcr. \u00c7\u00fcnki q\u0131z\u0131na m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259 onun f\u0259rdiliyini, g\u0259lin\u0259 m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259 is\u0259 ail\u0259nin qaydalar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6n\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kir.Sa\u011flam ail\u0259 m\u00fcnasib\u0259tind\u0259 is\u0259 prinsip d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259m\u0259lidir: q\u0131z da, g\u0259lin d\u0259, o\u011ful da, k\u00fcr\u0259k\u0259n d\u0259 yetkin insand\u0131r v\u0259 \u015f\u0259xsi h\u0259yat\u0131na h\u00f6rm\u0259t edilm\u0259lidir. Qohumluq m\u00fcnasib\u0259ti insana dig\u0259r yetkin \u015f\u0259xsin h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131 idar\u0259 etm\u0259k h\u00fcququ vermir.<\/strong>
\u018fn vacib s\u0259rh\u0259d d\u0259 burada ba\u015flay\u0131r: m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259t verm\u0259k ba\u015fqa \u015feydir, q\u0259rar verm\u0259k ba\u015fqa. \u201cM\u0259n bel\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m\u201d dem\u0259k m\u00fcnasib\u0259tdir; \u201cs\u0259n bel\u0259 etm\u0259lis\u0259n\u201d dem\u0259k is\u0259 n\u0259zar\u0259t\u0259 \u00e7evril\u0259 bil\u0259r.<\/strong>
\u018fslind\u0259 sa\u011flam ail\u0259 iyerarxiyas\u0131 \u201ckim daha \u00e7ox s\u00f6z ke\u00e7irir?\u201d \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 yox, \u201ckim kimin s\u0259rh\u0259din\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259t edir?\u201d \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 qurulmal\u0131d\u0131r.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— B\u0259z\u0259n g\u0259linl\u0259 problem yaranan kimi telefon onun anas\u0131na gedir: \u201cQ\u0131z\u0131n\u0131za deyin bel\u0259 etm\u0259sin…\u201d M\u0259n burada h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 bir \u015feyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m: s\u00f6hb\u0259t 7 ya\u015fl\u0131 u\u015faqdan getmir ax\u0131, qar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zda yetkin, ail\u0259 qurmu\u015f qad\u0131n var. G\u0259linin h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259tin\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 anas\u0131na \u015fikay\u0259t etm\u0259k onu ayr\u0131ca \u015f\u0259xsiyy\u0259t kimi deyil, h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 \u201ct\u0259rbiy\u0259sin\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 valideyni cavabdeh olan q\u0131z\u201d kimi g\u00f6rm\u0259k deyilmi? V\u0259 maraql\u0131d\u0131r, o\u011flan s\u0259hv ed\u0259nd\u0259 g\u0259linin ail\u0259si qay\u0131nanaya z\u0259ng edib \u201cO\u011flunuzu yax\u015f\u0131 t\u0259rbiy\u0259 etm\u0259misiniz\u201d des\u0259, h\u0259min yana\u015fma nec\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131lanar?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— B\u0259li, m\u0259nc\u0259 burada \u00e7ox vacib bir m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 var: yetkin insan\u0131n davran\u0131\u015f\u0131na g\u00f6r\u0259 davaml\u0131 olaraq valideynin\u0259 m\u00fcraci\u0259t etm\u0259k onun f\u0259rdi m\u0259suliyy\u0259tini k\u00f6lg\u0259d\u0259 qoyur. Art\u0131q s\u00f6hb\u0259t u\u015faqdan getmir. G\u0259lin d\u0259, o\u011ful da \u00f6z davran\u0131\u015f\u0131na g\u00f6r\u0259 m\u0259suliyy\u0259t da\u015f\u0131yan yetkin insanlard\u0131r. \u201cQ\u0131z\u0131n\u0131za deyin bel\u0259 etm\u0259sin\u201d yana\u015fmas\u0131 \u0259slind\u0259 problemi \u0259r-arvad m\u00fcnasib\u0259tind\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131b iki ail\u0259nin m\u00fcnasib\u0259tin\u0259 \u00e7evirir. Halbuki naraz\u0131l\u0131q varsa, ilk n\u00f6vb\u0259d\u0259 h\u0259yat yolda\u015flar\u0131 \u00f6z aralar\u0131nda dan\u0131\u015fmal\u0131 v\u0259 m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259ni h\u0259ll etm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmal\u0131d\u0131rlar.
Bunu \u00e7ox do\u011fru qeyd etdiniz: \u0259g\u0259r o\u011flan s\u0259hv ed\u0259nd\u0259 g\u0259linin ail\u0259si qay\u0131nanaya z\u0259ng edib \u201cO\u011flunuzu niy\u0259 bel\u0259 t\u0259rbiy\u0259 etmisiniz?\u201d des\u0259, b\u00f6y\u00fck ehtimalla bunu m\u00fcdaxil\u0259 kimi q\u0259bul ed\u0259rdik. Eyni prinsip h\u0259r iki t\u0259r\u0259f\u0259 t\u0259tbiq olunmal\u0131d\u0131r.<\/strong>
Valideynin i\u015fi b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f \u00f6vlad\u0131n\u0131n h\u0259r s\u0259hvini d\u00fcz\u0259ltm\u0259k deyil. Onun i\u015fi laz\u0131m olanda d\u0259st\u0259k olmaq, amma \u00f6vlad\u0131n\u0131n qurdu\u011fu ail\u0259nin m\u0259suliyy\u0259tini onun \u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259 saxlamaqd\u0131r<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Bir d\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259y\u0259n m\u00fcdaxil\u0259l\u0259r var. Ana a\u00e7\u0131q \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 \u201co\u011flum, arvad\u0131n\u0131n s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 baxma\u201d demir. Sad\u0259c\u0259 k\u00fcs\u00fcr… \u201cS\u0259n evl\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259n sonra bizi unutdun\u201d, \u201cn\u0259 ed\u0259k, art\u0131q s\u0259n\u0259 laz\u0131m deyilik\u201d, \u201cget, arvad\u0131nla ol\u201d deyir. S\u00f6zl\u0259r zahir\u0259n adi g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr, amma o\u011fulun \u00e7iynin\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fck g\u00fcnahkarl\u0131q hissi qoyur. Aysu xan\u0131m, ana sevgisi hans\u0131 n\u00f6qt\u0259d\u0259 emosional manipulyasiyaya \u00e7evrilir?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— M\u0259nc\u0259, burada \u0259n vacib m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 odur ki, ana sevgisi il\u0259 emosional t\u0259zyiqin s\u0259rh\u0259dini ay\u0131raq. Ana \u201cs\u0259n bizi unutdun\u201d, \u201cart\u0131q s\u0259n\u0259 laz\u0131m deyilik\u201d dey\u0259nd\u0259 bunu b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 sad\u0259c\u0259 incikliyind\u0259n s\u00f6yl\u0259yir. Amma bu s\u00f6zl\u0259r o\u011fulda davaml\u0131 g\u00fcnahkarl\u0131q yarad\u0131rsa, art\u0131q m\u00fcnasib\u0259t sa\u011flam yerd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xma\u011fa ba\u015flay\u0131r.\u00c7\u00fcnki o\u011ful evl\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259 anas\u0131n\u0131 itirmir, sad\u0259c\u0259 h\u0259yat\u0131nda yeni bir m\u00fcnasib\u0259t qurur. Ana bunu q\u0259bul etm\u0259li v\u0259 \u00f6vlad\u0131n\u0131 \u201cya m\u0259n, ya h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131n\u201d se\u00e7imin\u0259 m\u0259cbur etm\u0259m\u0259lidir.Sa\u011flam ana sevgisi deyir ki, \u201cS\u0259n \u00f6z h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131 qur, m\u0259n yen\u0259 d\u0259 s\u0259nin ananam v\u0259 yan\u0131ndayam.\u201d Manipulyasiya is\u0259 \u00f6vlad\u0131n sevgisini v\u0259 diqq\u0259tini g\u00fcnahkarl\u0131q hissi il\u0259 idar\u0259 etm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131r<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259nin dig\u0259r t\u0259r\u0259fini d\u0259 unutmayaq. G\u0259linin anas\u0131 h\u0259r m\u00fcbahis\u0259d\u0259 q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 haql\u0131 \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131r, \u201cs\u0259n niy\u0259 ona d\u00f6z\u00fcrs\u0259n?\u201d, \u201cy\u0131\u011f \u0259\u015fyalar\u0131n\u0131, g\u0259l\u201d, \u201c\u0259rinin ail\u0259sin\u0259 bunu etdirm\u0259\u201d dey\u0259r\u0259k h\u0259r m\u00fcbahis\u0259y\u0259 daxil olursa, burada da ba\u015fqa formada eyni problem yaranm\u0131rm\u0131? \u00d6vlad\u0131n\u0131 qorumaq harada bitir, onun nikah\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6z emosiyalar\u0131m\u0131zla idar\u0259 etm\u0259k harada ba\u015flay\u0131r?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— B\u0259li, burada da s\u0259rh\u0259d \u00e7ox inc\u0259dir. Ana \u00f6vlad\u0131n\u0131 qorumaqla onun h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131 idar\u0259 etm\u0259k aras\u0131ndak\u0131 f\u0259rqi bilm\u0259lidir. Q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n h\u0259r m\u00fcbahis\u0259sind\u0259 avtomatik olaraq onu haql\u0131 \u00e7\u0131xarmaq v\u0259 \u201cy\u0131\u011f \u0259\u015fyalar\u0131n\u0131, g\u0259l\u201d dem\u0259k, \u0259slind\u0259 problemin h\u0259llin\u0259 yox, as\u0131l\u0131l\u0131q v\u0259 t\u0259r\u0259fke\u015flik d\u00f6vr\u00fcn\u00fcn yaranmas\u0131na g\u0259tirib \u00e7\u0131xara bil\u0259r.Sa\u011flam yana\u015fmada is\u0259 ana q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 dinl\u0259m\u0259li, t\u0259hl\u00fck\u0259 v\u0259 zorak\u0131l\u0131q varsa onu qorumal\u0131, amma adi nikah konfliktl\u0259rind\u0259 q\u0259rar\u0131 q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n \u0259v\u0259zin\u0259 verm\u0259m\u0259lidir. \u201cM\u0259n s\u0259nin yan\u0131ndayam\u201d dem\u0259k ba\u015fqa \u015feydir, \u201cs\u0259nin yerin\u0259 q\u0259rar verir\u0259m\u201d dem\u0259k ba\u015fqa.<\/strong>
\u018fn sa\u011flam valideyn m\u00f6vqeyi is\u0259 \u00f6vlad\u0131na dayaq olmaq, amma onun nikah\u0131n\u0131n \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc t\u0259r\u0259fi olmamaqd\u0131r.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— B\u0259z\u0259n d\u0259 analar q\u0131zlar\u0131na h\u0259ddind\u0259n art\u0131q \u201cd\u00f6zm\u0259yi\u201d \u00f6yr\u0259dirl\u0259r. \u201cAil\u0259dir, h\u0259r \u015fey olar\u201d, \u201cki\u015fidir, \u0259s\u0259bil\u0259\u015f\u0259r\u201d, \u201cu\u015faqlara g\u00f6r\u0259 s\u0259bir et\u201d, \u201cel-al\u0259m n\u0259 dey\u0259r?\u201d… Burada \u00e7ox h\u0259ssas bir s\u0259rh\u0259d var. Q\u0131za ail\u0259ni qoruma\u011f\u0131 \u00f6yr\u0259dirik, yoxsa \u00f6z s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259rinin pozulmas\u0131na d\u00f6zm\u0259yi? Sa\u011flam kompromisl\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc qurban verm\u0259yin f\u0259rqini q\u0131z u\u015fa\u011f\u0131na nec\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259k laz\u0131md\u0131r?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Burada \u0259sas m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 q\u0131z u\u015fa\u011f\u0131na s\u0259br etm\u0259kl\u0259 d\u00f6zm\u0259yin f\u0259rqini \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259kdir. Ail\u0259ni qorumaq sa\u011flam d\u0259y\u0259rdir, amma bu, \u00f6z s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259rind\u0259n v\u0259 l\u0259yaq\u0259tind\u0259n ke\u00e7m\u0259k dem\u0259k deyil. Sa\u011flam kompromisd\u0259 h\u0259r iki t\u0259r\u0259f g\u00fcz\u0259\u015ft edir; \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc qurban verm\u0259kd\u0259 is\u0259 bir t\u0259r\u0259f davaml\u0131 olaraq susur v\u0259 \u00f6z ehtiyaclar\u0131n\u0131 geri plana at\u0131r.<\/strong>
\u201c\u018frimdir, ki\u015fidir, \u0259s\u0259bil\u0259\u015f\u0259r\u201d, \u201cu\u015faqlara g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u00f6z\u201d kimi mesajlar u\u015fa\u011fa m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259tsizliyi normalla\u015fd\u0131ra bil\u0259r. Q\u0131za \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259liyik ki, fikir ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131na s\u0259br etm\u0259k olar, amma t\u0259hqir\u0259, zorak\u0131l\u0131\u011fa v\u0259 s\u0259rh\u0259d pozuntusuna d\u00f6zm\u0259k m\u0259cburiyy\u0259tind\u0259 deyil. \u018fn vacibi is\u0259 bunu yaln\u0131z s\u00f6zl\u0259 yox, valideynin \u00f6z davran\u0131\u015f\u0131 il\u0259 g\u00f6st\u0259rm\u0259kdir.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Aysu xan\u0131m, b\u0259lk\u0259 \u0259n a\u011fr\u0131l\u0131 sual budur: ail\u0259 da\u011f\u0131landa niy\u0259 ilk bax\u0131\u015f \u00e7ox vaxt qad\u0131na y\u00f6n\u0259lir? \u201cAil\u0259 saxlaya bilm\u0259di\u201d, \u201cindiki q\u0131zlarda s\u0259bir yoxdur\u201d, \u201canas\u0131 ail\u0259 saxlama\u011f\u0131 \u00f6yr\u0259tm\u0259yib…\u201d B\u0259s h\u0259min nikahda m\u0259suliyy\u0259tsiz b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f o\u011flan\u0131n, s\u0259rh\u0259d tan\u0131mayan valideynl\u0259rin, ill\u0259rl\u0259 formala\u015fm\u0131\u015f ikili standartlar\u0131n pay\u0131 nec\u0259? Bo\u015fanma ka\u011f\u0131z\u0131nda iki n\u0259f\u0259rin ad\u0131 yaz\u0131l\u0131r, amma o nikah\u0131 da\u011f\u0131danlar\u0131n say\u0131 b\u0259z\u0259n ikid\u0259n \u00e7ox ola bil\u0259rmi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Bu suala psixoloq m\u00f6vqeyind\u0259n yana\u015fanda \u0259sas m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 \u201ckim g\u00fcnahkard\u0131r?\u201d sual\u0131ndan daha \u00e7ox, m\u0259suliyy\u0259tin nec\u0259 b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcr\u00fcld\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fc anlamaqd\u0131r. B\u0259li, b\u0259z\u0259n nikah\u0131 da\u011f\u0131danlar\u0131n say\u0131 ikid\u0259n \u00e7ox ola bil\u0259r. Amma burada bir m\u00fch\u00fcm psixoloji f\u0259rq var: t\u0259sir etm\u0259k ba\u015fqa \u015feydir, m\u0259suliyy\u0259t da\u015f\u0131maq ba\u015fqa. Ail\u0259 da\u011f\u0131landa c\u0259miyy\u0259tin ilk bax\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131n qad\u0131na y\u00f6n\u0259lm\u0259si t\u0259sad\u00fcfi deyil. Bizim m\u0259d\u0259ni m\u00fchitd\u0259 qad\u0131n h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 ail\u0259nin \u201cemosional meneceri\u201d kimi g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcr: o s\u0259br etm\u0259li, yola verm\u0259li, ail\u0259ni qoruma\u011f\u0131 bacarmal\u0131, \u0259rinin davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 idar\u0259 etm\u0259li, qay\u0131nana-qay\u0131nata il\u0259 m\u00fcnasib\u0259ti t\u0259nziml\u0259m\u0259li v\u0259 n\u0259 ba\u015f verirs\u0259 versin, \u201cail\u0259ni saxlamal\u0131d\u0131r\u201d.Bu yana\u015fman\u0131n psixoloji bax\u0131mdan ciddi problemi var: bir insan\u0131n \u00e7iynin\u0259 iki n\u0259f\u0259rin m\u00fcnasib\u0259tinin m\u0259suliyy\u0259tini y\u00fckl\u0259yir. Halbuki nikah iki yetkin insan\u0131n m\u00fcnasib\u0259tidir. Ki\u015fi \u00f6z davran\u0131\u015f\u0131na, qad\u0131n \u00f6z davran\u0131\u015f\u0131na cavabdehdir. He\u00e7 bir qad\u0131n\u0131n \u201cail\u0259ni qorumaq\u201d ad\u0131 alt\u0131nda \u0259rinin x\u0259yan\u0259tini, zorak\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, as\u0131l\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, m\u0259suliyy\u0259tsizliyini v\u0259 ya s\u0259rh\u0259dsiz ail\u0259 m\u00fcdaxil\u0259sini t\u0259kba\u015f\u0131na kompensasiya etm\u0259k \u00f6hd\u0259liyi yoxdur.Dig\u0259r t\u0259r\u0259fd\u0259n, \u201cail\u0259ni ki\u015fi da\u011f\u0131td\u0131\u201d dey\u0259r\u0259k b\u00fct\u00fcn m\u0259suliyy\u0259ti yaln\u0131z ki\u015fiy\u0259 y\u00fckl\u0259m\u0259k d\u0259 psixoloji bax\u0131mdan sa\u011flam yana\u015fma deyil. M\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259r qar\u015f\u0131l\u0131ql\u0131d\u0131r v\u0259 h\u0259r iki t\u0259r\u0259fin davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131na ayr\u0131ca baxmaq laz\u0131md\u0131r.Valideynl\u0259r \u00f6vladlar\u0131na m\u00fcnasib\u0259t modeli \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcrl\u0259r. U\u015faql\u0131qdan \u201co\u011fland\u0131r, n\u0259 ets\u0259 olar\u201d, \u201carvad onsuz da d\u00f6zm\u0259lidir\u201d, \u201co\u011flumun ail\u0259si m\u0259nim ail\u0259mdir\u201d kimi mesajlar verilibs\u0259, h\u0259min insan evlilikd\u0259 m\u0259suliyy\u0259t, s\u0259rh\u0259d v\u0259 t\u0259r\u0259fda\u015fl\u0131q anlay\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6yr\u0259nm\u0259mi\u015f ola bil\u0259r. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, anas\u0131n\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcn i\u015fl\u0259rini g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fc, atas\u0131n\u0131n is\u0259 evd\u0259 emosional v\u0259 m\u0259i\u015f\u0259t m\u0259suliyy\u0259ti da\u015f\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir ail\u0259d\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u0259n o\u011flan bunu \u201cnormal ail\u0259 modeli\u201d kimi q\u0259bul ed\u0259 bil\u0259r. Sonra evl\u0259ndikd\u0259 h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131ndan da eyni xidm\u0259ti g\u00f6zl\u0259y\u0259 bil\u0259r.<\/strong>
Lakin burada da vacib m\u0259qam var: u\u015faql\u0131q insan\u0131n davran\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 izah ed\u0259 bil\u0259r, amma yetkinlikd\u0259 onu avtomatik olaraq b\u0259ra\u0259t qazand\u0131ran s\u0259b\u0259b\u0259 \u00e7evirmir.Yetkin insan \u00f6z ail\u0259sind\u0259n ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 yanl\u0131\u015f modell\u0259ri f\u0259rq ed\u0259, \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259y\u0259 v\u0259 d\u0259yi\u015f\u0259 bil\u0259r.<\/strong>
S\u0259rh\u0259d tan\u0131mayan valideynl\u0259r m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259sind\u0259 d\u0259 eyni prinsip ke\u00e7\u0259rlidir.Qay\u0131nanan\u0131n g\u0259linin h\u0259yat\u0131na h\u0259ddind\u0259n art\u0131q m\u00fcdaxil\u0259 etm\u0259si, qay\u0131natan\u0131n c\u00fctl\u00fcy\u00fcn q\u0259rarlar\u0131na qar\u0131\u015fmas\u0131 v\u0259 ya valideynl\u0259rin o\u011fullar\u0131n\u0131 h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131na qar\u015f\u0131 \u015f\u0259rtl\u0259ndirm\u0259si m\u00fcnasib\u0259t\u0259 ciddi z\u0259r\u0259r ver\u0259 bil\u0259r.Amma burada \u0259sas sual valideynl\u0259rin n\u0259 etdiyi q\u0259d\u0259r, o\u011fulun v\u0259 ya q\u0131z\u0131n buna nec\u0259 cavab verdiyidir.\u00c7\u00fcnki sa\u011flam evlilikd\u0259 t\u0259r\u0259fda\u015f \u00f6z ail\u0259sin\u0259 bel\u0259 dey\u0259 bilir: \u201cBu, bizim ail\u0259mizdir. Valideynl\u0259rimizin fikrin\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259t edirik, amma q\u0259rarlar\u0131 biz veririk.\u201d<\/strong>
\u018fg\u0259r insan bu s\u0259rh\u0259di qoya bilmirs\u0259, problem art\u0131q yaln\u0131z qay\u0131nanada v\u0259 ya qay\u0131natada deyil. Problem h\u0259m d\u0259 yetkin \u00f6vlad\u0131n \u00f6z ail\u0259sini m\u0259n\u015f\u0259 ail\u0259sind\u0259n psixoloji olaraq ay\u0131ra bilm\u0259m\u0259sind\u0259dir.Buna g\u00f6r\u0259 \u201cnikah\u0131 kim da\u011f\u0131td\u0131?\u201d sual\u0131na b\u0259z\u0259n t\u0259k cavab verm\u0259k m\u00fcmk\u00fcn deyil.B\u0259z\u0259n x\u0259yan\u0259t ed\u0259n \u0259rdir.B\u0259z\u0259n m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259ti v\u0259 etibar\u0131 davaml\u0131 \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 pozan h\u0259r iki t\u0259r\u0259fdir.B\u0259z\u0259n ill\u0259rl\u0259 h\u0259ll olunmam\u0131\u015f konfliktl\u0259r, emosional uzaql\u0131q v\u0259 \u00fcnsiyy\u0259tsizlik m\u00fcnasib\u0259ti t\u00fck\u0259ndirir.B\u0259z\u0259n is\u0259 c\u00fctl\u00fcy\u00fcn s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259rini pozan ail\u0259 sistemi problemi daha da d\u0259rinl\u0259\u015fdirir. Amma \u0259n sa\u011flam yana\u015fma \u201cg\u00fcnahkarlar\u0131n siyah\u0131s\u0131n\u0131\u201d haz\u0131rlamaq deyil. H\u0259r bir \u015f\u0259xsin \u00f6z pay\u0131n\u0131 m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259nl\u0259\u015fdirm\u0259kdir.<\/strong>
\u00c7\u00fcnki bo\u015fanma iki n\u0259f\u0259rin ad\u0131 il\u0259 r\u0259smil\u0259\u015fir, amma h\u0259min iki insan\u0131n m\u00fcnasib\u0259tin\u0259 t\u0259sir ed\u0259n sistem daha b\u00f6y\u00fck ola bil\u0259r: valideynl\u0259r, ail\u0259d\u0259n \u00f6yr\u0259nilmi\u015f inanclar, gender rollar\u0131, maddi as\u0131l\u0131l\u0131q, sosial t\u0259zyiq, u\u015faql\u0131q travmalar\u0131, emosional yetkinlik s\u0259viyy\u0259si v\u0259 s.<\/strong>
Bununla bel\u0259, b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 bir prinsip d\u0259yi\u015fmir: Yetkin insan \u00f6z se\u00e7imin\u0259 v\u0259 davran\u0131\u015f\u0131na g\u00f6r\u0259 m\u0259suliyy\u0259t da\u015f\u0131y\u0131r. \u201cAnam bel\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fcb\u201d, \u201c\u0259rim m\u0259ni m\u0259cbur etdi\u201d, \u201cqay\u0131nanam imkan verm\u0259di\u201d, \u201carvad\u0131m ail\u0259 saxlaya bilm\u0259di.\u201d v\u0259 s.<\/strong>
Bu c\u00fcml\u0259l\u0259rin h\u0259r biri m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259n v\u0259ziyy\u0259ti izah ed\u0259 bil\u0259r. Amma he\u00e7 biri insan\u0131n \u00f6z m\u0259suliyy\u0259tini tamamil\u0259 ba\u015fqas\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcz\u0259rin\u0259 atmas\u0131na \u0259sas vermir.Bir qad\u0131n bo\u015fand\u0131qda onun \u201cail\u0259ni niy\u0259 saxlaya bilm\u0259diyi\u201d soru\u015fulursa, eyni sual ki\u015fiy\u0259 d\u0259 verilm\u0259lidir: \u201cS\u0259n bu ail\u0259ni qorumaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn n\u0259 etdin?\u201d.<\/strong>
\u018fg\u0259r ki\u015fi m\u0259suliyy\u0259tsiz b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fcl\u00fcbs\u0259, bu onun g\u00fcnah\u0131 olmaya bil\u0259r. Amma m\u0259suliyy\u0259tsiz qalmaq art\u0131q onun se\u00e7imidir.\u018fg\u0259r valideynl\u0259r s\u0259rh\u0259d tan\u0131may\u0131bsa, bu, insan\u0131n u\u015faql\u0131qda se\u00e7diyi bir \u015fey deyil. Amma yetkin ya\u015fda h\u0259min s\u0259rh\u0259di qoya bilm\u0259m\u0259k \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259nm\u0259li m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259dir.<\/strong>
\u018fg\u0259r qad\u0131n ail\u0259 saxlamaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u0259lind\u0259n g\u0259l\u0259ni edib, amma qar\u015f\u0131 t\u0259r\u0259f d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259k, m\u0259suliyy\u0259t g\u00f6t\u00fcrm\u0259k v\u0259 m\u00fcnasib\u0259ti qorumaq ist\u0259m\u0259yibs\u0259, bo\u015fanmaq onun \u201cail\u0259 saxlaya bilm\u0259m\u0259si\u201d deyil. B\u0259z\u0259n bu, art\u0131q sa\u011flam olmayan bir m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xmaq q\u0259rar\u0131d\u0131r.<\/strong>
Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 bo\u015fanmaya yaln\u0131z \u201cqad\u0131n niy\u0259 saxlamad\u0131?\u201d prizmas\u0131ndan baxmaq h\u0259m \u0259dal\u0259tsiz, h\u0259m d\u0259 psixoloji bax\u0131mdan s\u0259thi yana\u015fmad\u0131r. Daha do\u011fru sual budur:<\/strong>
\u201cBu m\u00fcnasib\u0259td\u0259 h\u0259r k\u0259s \u00f6z m\u0259suliyy\u0259tini n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r da\u015f\u0131d\u0131, hans\u0131 s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259r pozuldu, hans\u0131 davran\u0131\u015flar ill\u0259rl\u0259 t\u0259krarlanaraq m\u00fcnasib\u0259ti t\u00fck\u0259tdi v\u0259 n\u0259 vaxt d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn real c\u0259hd g\u00f6st\u0259rildi?\u201d.Bu suallar verilm\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259 biz s\u0259b\u0259bi deyil, sad\u0259c\u0259 bir g\u00fcnahkar axtar\u0131r\u0131q.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— V\u0259 sonda ist\u0259yir\u0259m sual\u0131 birba\u015fa h\u0259m q\u0131z, h\u0259m o\u011ful b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u0259n analara \u00fcnvanlayaq. T\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcr edin ki, sabah q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131z g\u0259lin gedib. Onun qay\u0131nanas\u0131n\u0131n q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131za nec\u0259 davranmas\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259yirsiniz? \u0130ndi is\u0259 \u00f6z g\u0259lininiz\u0259 nec\u0259 davrand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn. Bu iki cavab bir-birin\u0259 uy\u011fun g\u0259lmirs\u0259, problem haradad\u0131r?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— M\u0259nc\u0259, bu sual h\u0259r bir anan\u0131 bir anl\u0131q dayand\u0131r\u0131b d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcrm\u0259lidir. Q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131z \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn arzulad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z h\u00f6rm\u0259ti, anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131 v\u0259 s\u0259rh\u0259di \u00f6z g\u0259linimiz\u0259 d\u0259 g\u00f6st\u0259r\u0259 biliriks\u0259, burada bir \u0259dal\u0259t var. Amma \u201cm\u0259nim q\u0131z\u0131ma ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr, g\u0259linim\u0259 ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr\u201d d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u00fcks\u0259, dem\u0259li, problem g\u0259linin davran\u0131\u015f\u0131nda yox, bizim m\u00fcnasib\u0259timizd\u0259dir. \u00c7\u00fcnki g\u0259lin d\u0259 kimins\u0259 q\u0131z\u0131d\u0131r. Bu c\u00fcml\u0259ni h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n d\u0259rk etdiyimiz g\u00fcn m\u00fcnasib\u0259timiz d\u0259 d\u0259yi\u015fir.Bir d\u0259 o\u011ful b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u0259n ana \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn ba\u015fqa bir sual var: M\u0259n o\u011flumu el\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fcr\u0259mmi ki, asabah ba\u015fqa bir ana m\u0259nim o\u011flunun h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131 olmas\u0131ndan narahat olmas\u0131n? \u018fslind\u0259 sa\u011flam ail\u0259 t\u0259kc\u0259 yax\u015f\u0131 g\u0259lin yeti\u015fdirm\u0259kl\u0259 qurulmur. Yax\u015f\u0131 o\u011ful, yax\u015f\u0131 h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131 v\u0259 s\u0259rh\u0259dl\u0259r\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259t ed\u0259n ail\u0259 m\u0259d\u0259niyy\u0259ti yeti\u015fdirm\u0259kl\u0259 qurulur.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Aysu xan\u0131m, sizin 7 ild\u0259n \u00e7ox u\u015faq v\u0259 yeniyetm\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 i\u015f t\u0259cr\u00fcb\u0259niz var. Bu ill\u0259r \u0259rzind\u0259 onlar\u0131n davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131nda, ail\u0259 m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259rin\u0259 bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131nda hans\u0131 maraql\u0131 m\u0259qamlar\u0131 m\u00fc\u015fahid\u0259 etmisiniz? \u00dcmumi tendensiya nec\u0259dir? M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, q\u0131z v\u0259 o\u011flan u\u015faqlar\u0131n\u0131n ail\u0259d\u0259 onlara veril\u0259n f\u0259rqli rollar\u0131, f\u0259rqli g\u00f6zl\u0259ntil\u0259ri art\u0131q erk\u0259n ya\u015flardan m\u0259nims\u0259diyini g\u00f6rm\u0259k m\u00fcmk\u00fcnd\u00fcrm\u00fc? He\u00e7 el\u0259 bir m\u0259qamla qar\u015f\u0131la\u015fm\u0131s\u0131n\u0131zm\u0131 ki, u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n bir s\u00f6z\u00fc v\u0259 ya davran\u0131\u015f\u0131 siz\u0259 \u201cbu, \u0259slind\u0259, onun \u00f6z fikrind\u0259n \u00e7ox, evd\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fc v\u0259 e\u015fitdiyi m\u00fcnasib\u0259tin \u0259ksidir\u201d d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcrs\u00fcn? V\u0259 bu g\u00fcn u\u015faqlarda m\u00fc\u015fahid\u0259 etdiyiniz hans\u0131 davran\u0131\u015flar siz\u0259 onlar\u0131n g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259kd\u0259 quracaqlar\u0131 m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259r bar\u0259d\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcr\u00fcc\u00fc siqnallar verir?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— B\u0259li, bunu kifay\u0259t q\u0259d\u0259r erk\u0259n ya\u015flardan g\u00f6rm\u0259k olur. U\u015faqlar biz d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fczd\u0259n daha tez ail\u0259d\u0259ki rollar\u0131 m\u0259nims\u0259yirl\u0259r. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, q\u0131z u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n\u0131n \u201cevd\u0259 k\u00f6m\u0259k etm\u0259k\u201d, o\u011flan u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n\u0131n is\u0259 \u201cona xidm\u0259t olunmaq\u201d t\u0259r\u0259fin\u0259 daha \u00e7ox y\u00f6nl\u0259ndirildiyi ail\u0259l\u0259r g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u00fck. U\u015faq bunu qayda kimi q\u0259bul edir v\u0259 bir m\u00fcdd\u0259t sonra art\u0131q \u201cq\u0131z i\u015fi\u201d, \u201co\u011flan i\u015fi\u201d ifad\u0259l\u0259rini \u00f6z\u00fc i\u015fl\u0259tm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131r.<\/strong>
M\u0259ni \u0259n \u00e7ox d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcr\u0259n m\u0259qam odur ki, u\u015faqlar \u00e7ox vaxt valideynin dediyind\u0259n daha \u00e7ox, etdiyini \u00f6yr\u0259nirl\u0259r. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, u\u015faq \u201cqad\u0131na h\u00f6rm\u0259t etm\u0259k laz\u0131md\u0131r\u201d s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc e\u015fid\u0259 bil\u0259r, amma evd\u0259 atas\u0131n\u0131n anas\u0131 il\u0259 nec\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcr. Sonra \u00f6z davran\u0131\u015f\u0131nda h\u0259min modeli t\u0259krarlay\u0131r.<\/strong>
Eyni \u015feyi m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259rd\u0259 d\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u00fck. \u201cKi\u015fi \u0259s\u0259bil\u0259\u015f\u0259nd\u0259 susmaq laz\u0131md\u0131r\u201d, \u201cqad\u0131n d\u00f6zm\u0259lidir\u201d, \u201cevd\u0259 son s\u00f6z\u00fc ki\u015fi dem\u0259lidir\u201d kimi fikirl\u0259r u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n d\u00fcnyas\u0131nda t\u0259dric\u0259n normaya \u00e7evril\u0259 bilir.<\/strong>
\u018flb\u0259tt\u0259, bir davran\u0131\u015fa bax\u0131b u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259kd\u0259 nec\u0259 h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131 olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 dem\u0259k olmaz. Amma b\u0259zi siqnallar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcr\u00fcc\u00fcd\u00fcr: m\u0259suliyy\u0259td\u0259n qa\u00e7maq, \u201cm\u0259n o\u011flanam, bunu etm\u0259r\u0259m\u201d dem\u0259k, q\u0131z u\u015fa\u011f\u0131nda is\u0259 h\u0259ddind\u0259n art\u0131q f\u0259dakarl\u0131q, \u201cham\u0131n\u0131 m\u0259n raz\u0131 salmal\u0131yam\u201d d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259si.<\/strong>
Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259rini d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259k ist\u0259yiriks\u0259, t\u0259kc\u0259 ona \u201cd\u00fczg\u00fcn davran\u201d dem\u0259k kifay\u0259t etmir. \u018fvv\u0259lc\u0259 onun h\u0259r g\u00fcn g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fc m\u00fcnasib\u0259t\u0259 baxmaq laz\u0131md\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnki u\u015faq ail\u0259d\u0259 m\u00fcnasib\u0259tin nec\u0259 ya\u015fand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6yr\u0259nir, sad\u0259c\u0259 nec\u0259 olmas\u0131 bar\u0259d\u0259 dan\u0131\u015f\u0131lan\u0131 yox.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Aysu xan\u0131m, son olaraq bu sualm\u0131za da cavab verin, bilir\u0259m sizi \u00e7ox yordum (g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yir). Z\u0259hm\u0259t olmasa deyin: bir ana q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259kd\u0259 xo\u015fb\u0259xt qad\u0131n, o\u011flunu is\u0259 xo\u015fb\u0259xt ail\u0259 qura bil\u0259c\u0259k ki\u015fi kimi yeti\u015fdirm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn bu g\u00fcnd\u0259n hans\u0131 c\u00fcml\u0259l\u0259ri dem\u0259yi dayand\u0131rmal\u0131, hans\u0131 davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndan imtina etm\u0259lidir? Bunu ona g\u00f6r\u0259 deyir\u0259m ki, b\u0259lk\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k bo\u015fanmalar\u0131n bir qisminin qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 m\u0259hk\u0259m\u0259 qap\u0131s\u0131nda yox, m\u0259hz u\u015faq ota\u011f\u0131nda almaq m\u00fcmk\u00fcn oldu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— U\u015faq b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u0259rk\u0259n v\u0259 t\u0259rbiy\u0259 ed\u0259rk\u0259n n\u0259z\u0259r\u0259 almaq laz\u0131md\u0131r ki, d\u00fcnyaya g\u0259tiril\u0259n h\u0259r u\u015faq s\u0259nin deyil c\u0259miyy\u0259tindir. Sabah o hans\u0131sa bir \u015firk\u0259tin i\u015f\u00e7issidir,kimins\u0259 yolda\u015f\u0131d\u0131r v\u0259 ya xan\u0131m\u0131d\u0131r,valideyndir. T\u0259rbiy\u0259 ver\u0259rk\u0259n onu  \u00f6z do\u011frular\u0131n\u0131za g\u00f6r\u0259 deyil, z\u0259man\u0259nin t\u0259l\u0259bin\u0259 uy\u011fun \u00f6z ayaqlar\u0131 \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 dura bil\u0259c\u0259k m\u00fcst\u0259qil, azad d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259li v\u0259 s\u0259rb\u0259st se\u00e7im edib, q\u0259rar ver\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259k \u015f\u0259xsiyy\u0259t olaraq yeti\u015fdirin. \u015e\u0259xsiyy\u0259tin\u0259,q\u0259rarlar\u0131na , d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259rin\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259t edin \u201c S\u0259n u\u015faqsan, do\u011frusunu s\u0259n yox m\u0259n bil\u0259r\u0259m \u201c dem\u0259kd\u0259n qa\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n. \u0130caz\u0259 verin s\u0259hvl\u0259r etsinl\u0259r. Hans\u0131 ki o \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn etdiyi s\u0259hvl\u0259rd\u0259n daha \u00e7ox \u00f6yr\u0259n\u0259c\u0259k n\u0259inki sizin ona q\u0259bul etdirdiyiniz \u201c do\u011fru\u201d-lardan. Se\u00e7im haqq\u0131 verin, ail\u0259nizl\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 problem v\u0259 ya m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 yarand\u0131qda onun da fikrini soru\u015fun. T\u0259hqir,t\u0259nqid, m\u00fcqayis\u0259 etm\u0259kd\u0259n qa\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n. Bel\u0259 davrand\u0131qda onun \u00f6zg\u00fcv\u0259ni z\u0259d\u0259l\u0259nir v\u0259 n\u0259tic\u0259d\u0259 sa\u011flam \u015f\u0259xsiyy\u0259t olaraq yeti\u015fm\u0259sin\u0259 \u0259ng\u0259l olursunuz.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Aysu xan\u0131m, s\u0259mimi v\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcr\u00fcc\u00fc cavablar\u0131n\u0131za, c\u0259miyy\u0259timiz \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn olduqca h\u0259ssas olan bu m\u00f6vzuda fikirl\u0259rinizi a\u00e7\u0131q \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fcz\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 Siz\u0259 t\u0259\u015f\u0259kk\u00fcr edirik. B\u0259z\u0259n ail\u0259 daxilind\u0259 ill\u0259rl\u0259 adi v\u0259 normal q\u0259bul etdiyimiz davran\u0131\u015flara psixoloqun g\u00f6z\u00fc il\u0259 baxmaq insan\u0131 \u00f6z m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259rini yenid\u0259n d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259y\u0259 vadar edir. \u00dcmid edirik ki, s\u00f6hb\u0259timiz d\u0259 analar\u0131n, atalar\u0131n, q\u0131zlar\u0131n, o\u011fullar\u0131n, g\u0259linl\u0259rin — b\u00fct\u00f6vl\u00fckd\u0259 ail\u0259 quran v\u0259 \u00f6vlad yeti\u015fdir\u0259n h\u0259r k\u0259sin \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259n suallar verm\u0259sin\u0259 s\u0259b\u0259b olacaq. Pedaqoq.az platformas\u0131n\u0131n redaksiyas\u0131 v\u0259 oxucular\u0131 ad\u0131ndan m\u00fcsahib\u0259 t\u0259klifimizi q\u0259bul etdiyiniz\u0259, vaxt ay\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131za v\u0259 d\u0259y\u0259rli pe\u015f\u0259kar fikirl\u0259rinizi biziml\u0259 b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fcz\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 Siz\u0259 bir daha t\u0259\u015f\u0259kk\u00fcr edirik. Yeni m\u00f6vzularda yenid\u0259n g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fm\u0259k \u00fcmidi il\u0259!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u00fcsahib\u0259ni apard\u0131:
Yegan\u0259 Tal\u0131bova<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n

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Ail\u0259 quruldu\u011fu g\u00fcn nikah masas\u0131 arxas\u0131nda iki n\u0259f\u0259r \u0259yl\u0259\u015fs\u0259 d\u0259, onlar\u0131n h\u0259r biri yeni h\u0259yata<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1979,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1978","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-in"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1978","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1978"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1978\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1985,"href":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1978\/revisions\/1985"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1979"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1978"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1978"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pedaqoq.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1978"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}